Tuesday, October 25, 2011

You and your boyfriend might be obnoxious if...

Remember how I said in my last blog that the "happy posts" would be scarce? Yeah, I wasn't kidding. I think I can speak for a large number of the student body when I say that there are a lot of really obnoxious couples at school.

Now, to be an obnoxious couple I believe you have to fall into one of two categories.

1. What I like to call the "Twilight" couple. Twilight couple basically means that they are like Edward and Bella. For those of you that haven't read Twilight (first off, lucky you) here's a synopsis in just a few short lines:

Bella: What? Edward's a vampire?
Edward: I watch you in your sleep.
Bella: How romantic! *proceeds to throw her entire life away for a vampire that wants to suck bodily fluids out of her body via her neck*

That is pretty much Twilight in a nut shell. While I'm not implying that the man in this particular form of relationship is wanting to suck his girlfriend's blood, per say, I am implying that these types of couples totally disregard the rest of the people in their lives and have eyes only for the person that they could potentially reproduce with. I have witnessed a lot of relationships like these (and if my very good friend reads this, he'll know I'm talking about him) and I can honestly say that this is easily the more obnoxious kind if you are friends with one or both of the people in the relationship.

Furthermore let me add that this type of relationship (while you might have a crazy sex drive now) is not socially healthy. Eventually your friends are going to be fed up with all of the testosterone fueled intimacy you've been displaying with your significant other and your friends are going to ditch you and find people that they actually can spend time with without wanting to punch a small child. Then when you break up with your so called "sweetheart/honey bunches of oats/bed buddy" (which almost always happens, except for the rare couple [like my parents]) you'll have no friends to go back to because you were dumb enough to live in the moment and think with your reproductive organs instead of your brain. Nice job. In the case of Twilight, Bella does in fact almost die from like 10 different people, one of which is her killer mutant demon baby spawn that she made with her BOYFRIEND.

2. The other category of "obnoxious couple" is the couple that I like to think of as the "Oh-my-God-I-can't-watch-them-for-fear-of-projectile-vomiting" couple. These couples, in my personal opinion, are on the completely opposite end of the spectrum. Their "love (lust)" is purely physical.They're not all lovey dovey with each other. They both just have one thing in common: a raging sex drive. These are the two kids you see in school who look like a pair of writing eels attached at the lips, and they look like they're trying to eat each others faces. You know what I'm talking about, because you probably go to public school, so you've seen it first hand unless you go through every passing period with a paper bag over your head. I feel like I need to apologize on behalf of these couples, because we all know they don't surface for air enough to get the breath required to form an apology themselves. So... sorry they're so gross.

Personally I find the first type of obnoxious couple more annoying... maybe that's just me. I know for a fact that you can be dating someone and still find a balance between your boy/girl friend and your other friends, because I happen to be really good friends with a lot of people who do just that. Honestly, people, let's keep it classy.

This has been the pissy third wheel, bidding you all good night.

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