Monday, December 22, 2014

4 Years...

I'm going to be blunt. I have been struggling with depression since I was 16. Four years.

How's that for blunt? I think I did the word justice.

Moving on. Some of you are like "I've definitely seen you happy before." People with depression can be happy. Some people with depression can be very happy, and I won't deny that there are an uncountable number of instances in my life where I have been happy.

Depression is scary. It is your own thoughts tormenting you and telling you that everything you are terrified of is real. It is drowning while everyone else around you is breathing. It's that crazy ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend if you bat for the other team) that you think is gone and then drops in on your life at the most random and inconvenient times.

I have had to deal with the crazy ex-girlfriend named depression for four years, and I can't say that I've always dealt with it in healthy ways. Four years may not seem like a long time, and in all honesty it isn't. But it feels like it.

Depression does a really awesome job of making you focus on all the things about yourself that you hate. It makes you nit-pick all of your flaws and see all of your insecurities with 20/20 vision. And it sucks. It is a truly shitty feeling.

But I'm not writing about all of my flaws and insecurities today. Today I want to talk about the parts of me that I do like. I want to announce the parts of me that I like to the world (so... Facebook friends and Twitter followers). I am going to force myself to see the positive side of things. What's the worst thing that could happen?

I like having musical ability. TV shows like American Idol and The Voice (guilty pleasures) have taught me that not everyone does (yet sometimes those people end up winning). I complain about my music classes a lot but deep deep deep deep deep way deep down I would miss them if they weren't part of my daily life. AND I passed music history this semester. That was a serious concern. But I did it. I prevailed.

I like that I am an empathetic person. Despite my tendency to argue with some people a lot, I value my ability to see the views of other people. It allows me to appreciate the struggles of other people. And it reminds me that I never struggle alone.

I value my leadership skills, because apparently I have those. I love helping other people realize their potential and then use that potential to achieve whatever their heart desires.

I love that I can be bluntly honest. Lying doesn't accomplish shit. Unless you're a politician, then it gets you a job. You don't want to hear a hurtful truth? Don't ask me a question that might lead to one.

I like that I go to a school I love in a city I love and have a job that I love. Zip lining and climbing things is the shit. And really great stress relief. So if your group of 8 or more people is really stressed you should come to Venture Out and blow off some steam. I don't care if that was a shameless plug. It's my blog and I'll plug if I want to.

I like that I am a fiercely loyal friend. There are a select few people that could commit murder and I would gladly help them hide the body and then deny everything in court. Straight up lie on stand and to the faces of a jury. I wouldn't even bat an eye. I really really hope I never have to prove it, though. So please don't take this as a challenge, anyone.

I LOVE the fact that I have friends that I care about enough to help them hide a body if they were to commit murder (thought I'd strongly suggest they not do that). I love that I have friends who will so willingly talk me off of a ledge or go through the effort of brightening my day. I love that I have friends that don't judge me or treat me like I'm an oddity because of who I am or what I've been through. I love that some of them pull me out of a dark place without even realizing they did it. I love that I can laugh so effortlessly around them and just let all of my fears melt away for a while. I would not be where I am now without them.

So yeah. These are some of the things I just really really like about my life. Cool!

Have a happy holidays, valued reader.

-- Tyler

Today I found on Tumblr:

I'm aware of how inappropriate this is. That's why I picked it. Also because the witty reply was by "Tyelr" and that's really close to "Tyler" and "Tyler" is my name so it's almost like I said it and that's something I would say.

I'm going to shut up now.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

We Are All Different...

I like being different. I like it. And at times I don't like it much at all.

You see we live in a society that claims to encourage diversity. Where we are encouraged to express our differences.

Unless those differences are religion, sexuality, race, political ideation, etc.

We can be different. But we can only be different in ways that are deemed acceptable.

We are ALL different. And for some reason so many people view that as an obstacle. I'm not trying to point fingers (Congress, I'm looking at you) but it seems like people think differences should clash and not go well together.

Let's look at magnets. Which sides stick together? I'll give you a hint: North and north do not go together. North and south go together.

Let's look at an example that compares two living creatures.

My best friend and I are two very very different people. Yes we have some things in common. But for every thing we have in common there is an uncountable number of differences between us. But we do not treat those differences as obstacles. We do not try and make the other person change to fit the mould in which we fit.

So why is that so hard for others? Why do people have it in their mind that there is only one way to live life? Why do people think there is only one correct religion, one correct sexuality, one superior race?

Who are we to play God or to be the judge?

Who are we to say that one lifestyle that does not bring harm to others is wrong or less than another lifestyle?

This is the 21st century. We have pre-sliced bread, Netflix, and phones so smart they can do anything except wipe your ass (but that could be next, I don't know, technology is crazy). But we can't accept some differences that make people who they are.

It is not our place to tell someone who they should or should not be. That is part of the journey of life and it is a journey that can only be experienced by the person on which it is bestowed.

And everyone deserves to be comfortable on their journey. Everyone should be able to live the life that they want to live without someone pointing their fingers and saying "Wrong."

Everyone should live their life and be happy with who they are.

Today I found on Tumblr:

I need this in my life.