Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Comprehensive Guide On How To Be Friends With the Socially Selective...

I have not written in a long time (mostly because free time is a myth now and that kinda sucks). So please enjoy the bumpy road that will be this piece of writing and try not to hold it against me. Cool thanks.

So this morning I read an article on the website Thought Catalog (a website I like to spend a lot of class time on) title "14 Signs You're Selectively Social."

You can read it here:

Needless to say they hit the nail on the head and I fit all 14 characteristics and now I can confidently define myself as selectively social. I feel so special and I'm not going to refer to this group of people by using the pack plural ("we") because it's a sign of my affiliation.

I'm sure that my friends can tell that getting along with the socially selective can be trying at times (or all the time). We're a little unpredictable and can be hard to read. When we turn your plans down sometimes we don't have a reason at all besides the fact that we probably just don't want to deal with people. So I figured I would do the world a favor (you're welcome, everyone) and compose a list of tips on how to handle being friends with someone who is socially selective. I love lists.

1. Our social skills run on a battery. Interacting with people we don't know drains that battery faster than your favorite app kills your iPhone battery. We have to recharge our battery, and our charging station is usually at home in our room. Alone. We aren't hiding because we hate you or because we're upset (well sometimes we are). We are hiding because our social battery is on 1%. If you want to know if we're mad or if our battery is low just ask.

2. We heavily depend on the people that don't drain our batteries. I know I have a small number of people (I'd estimate 3 or 4) that for one reason or another don't exhaust me when I'm around them. These people are magical human beings and when they're around I become a stage 5 clinger. It's like the Titanic. They're the door and I'm Rose. Screw Jack. He was a battery drainer.

3. Even though we don't like going out all the time we still get offended if you don't invite us. We might say no. We'll probably say no. But that doesn't mean we don't like feeling included. If you ask us to go with you and we say no just remember: Our time spent alone will be much more enjoyable because we know that we still matter despite the fact that we're about as exciting as reading the dictionary.

4. When we say "I just got your text!" we really mean "I'm replying now because I think I've waited long enough that I can avoid face-to-face interaction at this point." It's not you. It's us.

5. If we agree on plans don't change any aspect of them without asking well in advance. Don't invite more people without asking first. That causes us all kinds of anxiety. We were mentally preparing for a certain scenario and now you've sprung another variable on us. That's not cool. We were prepared to impress persons 1, 2, and 3. We were not prepared to make a good impression on the additional two people that you sprung on us last minute. Now we're considering not going and it's all your fault. You have just broken a very important unwritten rule.

6. Sometimes we like to be alone. We're not angry or upset or anything. Being alone is just peaceful. If you're not sure why we're being seclusive just ask. It prevents a whole lot of awkward further down the road.

There you go. I just provided you with what could be the most useful cheat sheet you've ever seen.

Use it wisely.