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Incoming Sappy Post About Thanksgiving Ahead

There. I warned you. 

Thanksgiving is probably one of my favorite holidays (Have I said that already?). I like the Fourth of July because I get to blow stuff up. I like New Years because it marks a time for me to start over and start writing a new chapter of my life.

I really like Thanksgiving because it's a time for me to reflect on what I'm thankful for... and to conceive another food baby. 

Yes, I know I said pretty much the exact same thing in my post earlier this week. I'm not going to repeat myself and talk about how thankful I am for the things I'm lucky enough to have in my life. 

I actually want to talk about the antithesis of Thanksgiving... Black Friday. I'm kidding... well, not really. Black Friday is arguably the antithesis of Thanksgiving. I mean... you spend a whole day being thankful and then not even 24 hours later you're out buying more stuff that you're probably not going to mention 364 days from now when it's time to stuff your face again.

I really want to talk about the antithesis to the concept of Thanksgiving: taking things for granted. 

I think it's safe to say that everyone and their mother has taken something for granted before. It's practically the unwritten American way. 

I personally take the fact that I have the freedom to write all of this down for granted, because not everyone is at the liberty to say whatever they want. 

I think one thing that a large portion of people take for granted though is other people. 

Take a minute to think. Is there a person in your life that you are close to or used to be close to? Do you talk to that person often? If not, why? 

There could be an endless reasons why, I suppose. Distance. Lack of time. It may not even cross your mind. 

I think that's the problem, though. We, as humans, are very social creatures capable of forming deep and intimate bonds with others. 

Yet at the same time I think we too easily neglect the bonds that we once so gently fostered. 

Why do two best friends just stop talking? When there was no fight, no falling out? Why do we let life so often get in the way? Something as trivial as school or work shouldn't get in the way of something as significant as friendship. I don't talk to my best friend every day. Do I wish I did? Oh hell yeah. And it shouldn't be that difficult. 

A lot of people say that today's technology inhibits social interaction. They say that it's not as "real" as face to face conversation. They might be right. But when face to face conversation isn't always an available option wouldn't it be better to fall back on " less real" interaction with important people than to just not interact with them at all?

In this day and age it's so easy to pick up your phone and tell someone "Hey, bud, have a great day." Boom. Easy. If the conversation progresses from there then great. Converse. If they reply back with "Thanks, you too!" then at least you interacted with them, and chances are you don't make someone's day worse by wishing them a good day. Ya know? 

It confuses me, really, how willingly people let their connections with other falter and eventually become severed. 

It just kind of seems like a lot of time was wasted, ya know?

The Good Life...

I won’t say Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (holla’ at me Fourth of July and New Years Eve) but I can’t deny that I do appreciate the premise of the day. 

I’m a little confused about it, though. Why do we have a holiday dedicated to being thankful? Shouldn’t we be thankful for anything and everything we have every day? 

Regardless, I like to dedicate a day out of my typically busy year to just reflect on everything I’ve been blessed with. So I figured hey, why not write about it? Ha. It’s my blog. I can write what I want.

Things Tyler is Thankful For

By: Tyler, conveniently 

My musical ability. It sounds snotty, I know. And I know I often complain about the fact that I’m not athletic (I just want a hot bod), but I truly love being so in tune with music (pun completely intended). It makes me unique and gives me a way to relieve stress and express myself in a creative way. Do I want to make a career out of it? Not necessarily, but I don’t know who I’d be without my ability to make music. 

My family. I don’t express my appreciation towards them enough, but they’re truly incredible (and slightly crazy) people. I don’t think I could ask for a better support system during my adventure through college. Nobody else in the world pushes me to succeed as much as they do.

My friends and family from MASC. I don’t think I could have asked for better people to be in my life. MASC has had an impact on my life that I can’t even hope to put its entirety into words. I went to a summer camp hosted by these incredible people and as a result I’ve met my best friend, my energetic Council E, my krazy Kouncil K, and 52 of the most inspirational teenagers I’ve ever been lucky enough to become friends with, all while getting to work with hundreds of the most influential student leaders in the state of Missouri. 

The ability to empathize with others. Simply put, I know I want to use this ability to help people in whatever way I can.

My school. I love being a tiger… I hate paying to be a tiger… but I guess I’ll deal with it. I get to go to school with some people who are going to be the next great movers and shakers of the world, and it’s so incredibly exciting. I know I’m at the right place to make a better life for myself and, by extent, work on bettering the lives of others. 

All of the people in my life. Everyone I’ve met has proven to be a friend for life or a lesson for life, and they’ve all shaped who I am. So if you’ve put in the effort to be my friend, thank you. I’m a better person because of you If you’ve screwed me over, thank you. I’m a wiser person because of you.

There’s my list. Short, sweet, and simple. Have a happy Thanksgiving everybody, and eat lots of food and get really fat!

Just don’t forget your stretchy pants. 

I Will Not Cry For You...

In my last post I talked about a test I took to discover what my strengths were as a leader. My highest rated strength was empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another person. I want to express the difference between empathy and sympathy, because they are two very different things. If somebody can empathize it means they understand what a person is feeling. They understand a person's struggles because they too have struggled or they can imagine to some degree what another individual is experiencing. Sympathy, on the other hand, requires no understanding. Sympathy is feeling pity in regards to another person's misfortune.

I do not sympathize often, especially when someone's sorrow is self-inflicted. I don't believe that sympathy is constructive in most scenarios. Especially in college. 

You got drunk and were issued an MIP? Too bad. Don't drink. 

You failed a test because you went out every night this week and didn't study? Ouch. You could have avoided that one.

You have a million things going on and you feel like you don't have time to accomplish everything? I totally get what you're going through. I've found that if I block out my time it allows me to be way more on top of all of the assignments I need to complete. Want any help?

I think a major problem with society is that people crave sympathy. Something in their life sucks and they want the world to sit down and cry with them. Sometimes that's helpful. Most of the time it's not. 

I'm a strong advocate of the theory that it's better to tell people the painful truth than it is to tell them a numbing lie. Antibiotics may sting but they kill the infection. A band-aid will just cover it up. 

I pride myself on being able to be blunt with people. That makes me sound like an asshole, I know, and maybe I am. But I'd rather be the asshole that tells someone what they need to hear so they can have a better future than be the person that tells a lie so as to temporarily fix the present. 

I like to call it tough love. 

College is full of people that need tough love, myself included. This is a time where we make mistakes, and we're supposed to learn from them, not a place for us to expect people to feel bad for our mistakes and then go make the same mistakes again.

I really like the way my viola professor explained it to me in a lesson a few weeks ago. She said that it's perfectly okay to make mistakes, as long as the mistake is made one time. After that it's up to you to notice the mistake, learn from it, and fix it. If you make a mistake a second time and you made it the same way you did the first time it's not a mistake. 

It's a choice. 

The Boat...

I'd just like to say that I'm sitting on top of Cloud 9 right now. Way up high in the sky looking down at the world. As long as I don't get hit by a plan (literally or figuratively, I guess) I think I could be in the running for happiest poor college student in the world. My best friend stayed with me two weekends ago. Two of my favorite people in the whole world were here this last weekend. I'm going to be home for a day and a half this upcoming weekend. I have an interview to be a facilitator at a team building ropes course on Thursday. And on top of that I think I'm starting to figure out exactly what I want to get out of college. 

That's not what I wanted to write about, I just need a way to release some of my excitement or I'm never going to get to bed. 

Digressing. 

During my Emerging Leaders Program last week we discussed our strengths. Before the session started all of the members were tasked with taking a quiz called "Strengths Quest." I answered well over a 100 questions about myself and from those questions I was told what my top 5 strengths were out of a list of 34 different options. Some of them I found pretty shocking. They were (in order from lowest to highest):

5: Adaptability. People who "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time. I won't say I'm completely surprised. For the most part I like structure, but I'm fully aware that most of my plans don't work out... so I guess that makes me adaptable. It wouldn't have been something I would have guessed would be in my top 5, but hey I answered the questions so I guess I can't argue it.

4: WOO. WOO stands for "Winning Others Over." I read this and immediately I got a negative vibe from it. I read "Winning Others Over" as "Manipulating the Feeble Minded In Order to Make Them Be Your Slave Monkeys." Okay I didn't word it like that, but you get what I mean. The description let me exhale a sigh of relief, though. People talented in the WOO theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person. I won't deny that I am kind of sappy when it comes to making connections with people. The connections I form with people are the most important things I have. Thought I try not to be a manipulative person. I have no aspirations to be a politician. Heh.

3. Communication. These people generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words (Hey! Look what I'm doing right now!). They are good conversationalists and presenters. I was a little surprised this one didn't score higher. I think it's safe to say I'm no stranger when it comes to being a communicator. Although my communication skills tend to get me in trouble sometimes... at least when it's blunt and sarcastic means of communication. But it's also important to me personally. I need to communicate with people, it makes me feel tranquil. And if they don't communicate back I stress out a bit (a lot, really). Hey. Nobody's perfect. Hannah Montana taught me that. She also taught me how to ride a wreck- moving on.

2. Strategic. People talented in this area create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues. I'm a decent problem solver (unless it's music theory. That's just a problem that requires divine intervention). I guess this also kind of fits in with adaptability. I wasn't expecting this one to score so high, but I wasn't surprised either. It's a valuable skill, and I'm glad I have it.

1. Empathy. Literally everyone that reads that empathy was my highest laughs, and I guess I can't blame them. Sarcasm and dry humor don't usually mix with "empathy," but I count on my friends that know me well to see my empathetic side a little better. People talented in the empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' situations. I'm empathetic, but not always sympathetic. I don't find pity to be useful or empowering. I think empathy is an effective means of bonding with people, though. Use of empathy leads to enlightenment in the sense that you can better understand the people that surround you. If you understand someone you can bond with someone, and I think I've established how I value my emotional connections with other people.

After we read about our top 5 strengths we were given a sheet of paper with a picture of a boat on it. Our job was to take our 5 strengths and decide which one was the anchor, oars, sail, boat, and rutter.

The anchor is what keeps you grounded.

The oars are what push you along and keep you going.

The sail is what the wind in your sail is.

The boat is the base of who you are.

The rutter is what guides you.

I decided that my anchor was my communication. When I'm stressed and I need to ground myself and pull my head out of the clouds I talk to people. I write. I just have to express what's running through my head to make room for new thoughts. My mind is a very hectic and cluttered place.

My oars are my adaptability. No matter what happens I remind myself that I need to go with the flow and keep moving forwards. Reminiscing on troubles in my past doesn't lead to progress. I have to adapt to the situation and push forward.

My sail is my WOO. When I can, I try and let my social skills push me forwards. It makes for an easier voyage. I can't always rely on it, but I like to use it when I can.

My rutter is strategy. I like to count on the fact that I can analyze a situation and develop a solution, and that allows me to guide myself through rougher waters. I like to keep moving but sometimes it's more beneficial to sit down, take a deep breath, and develop a plan of action. Spoken like a true silver.

My boat is empathy. My ability to understand the needs and emotions of others is what makes me who I am. It has ultimately gotten me to where I'm at now, and I like where I'm at now. People sometimes laugh when they say I want to be a guidance counselor (it's all that damn sarcasm), but I think that my empathy is exactly why I want to be one. Despite my blunt tendencies, I understand people. I want to help people, not sit on the sidelines and pity them. 

I like that college is allowing me to strengthen the idea of who I want to be. I feel like I learn something new about myself everyday, and I still have 7.5 (ish) semesters to go. Here's hoping I learn even more every day from here on out.

Cheers!

-- JewFro

Yearbooks...

If you’re not in high school I’m going to ask you to remember something for me (if you are still in high school or have yet to enter high school you can just pretend). 

Think back to the days leading to the end of your senior year. Whatever day you got to spend signing people’s yearbooks and leaving messages about how much you were going to miss that person, well wishes for a good summer, and how “they better keep in touch with you once you go to college, dammit, because you’re like BFFs for life and they’re your favorite person in the whole wide world.”

How many people times did you write “I’ll miss you!”? How many of those people cross your mind on a daily basis? When was the last time you called them, texted them, or established contact? 

I’m by no means trying to be accusatory. I am just as guilty as everyone else, if not more. 

I’m also in no way saying you need to text your best friend from 3rd grade every day and explain your days to each other in agonizing detail. 

Life gets in the way sometimes. You go from having 4 classes a day together in high school to being separated by hundreds of miles because the job market is practically demanding a higher education (Thanks, Obama). You promise that you’ll call each other every day, and you do. For a while. And then you can’t because you have to study, or write a paper, or you just forgot. It happens. And then after a while you might move on. 

I think I’m one of the lucky few. Up until college there was an entire state between me and my best friend. Now there’s only half a state, because my college decision allowed me to move closer. So my best friend / brotha’ from anotha’ motha’ was with me for the weekend. I am fully aware that I’m one of the few who have that opportunity. 

You would think that, considering the leaps and bounds we’ve made in technology, staying in touch with people would be easier. We’d communicate with our friends across the state / country / world more often. The little rectangle that never leaves our side is a gateway to people everywhere. Yet instead of interacting with people we elect to cyber stalk them on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Vine (well... Vine’s gone to the crapper... so not Vine, really). It’s easier, it’s quicker, and we don’t have to wait for them to respond. 

I’m not saying we’re doing anything wrong, as a society. It’s part of who we are. I really have no idea what I’m trying to say at all, if we’re being honest. And if we’re being really honest I’m writing this because I got sick of studying for the midterm I’m about to take in less than 12 hours. 

All I’m really saying is that I pass people I went to high school with almost every day while I’m walking to class, and neither of us really make the effort to acknowledge the other. 

So maybe we should put a little more thought into what we write in someone’s yearbook, ya know?

I Just Wanted Some Dinner, Man...

This is a post that will consist of me venting a little bit. Just a warning.

MOVING ON.

I learned another life lesson today. And by that I mean "I had another lesson that has been crammed down my throat since I could talk reaffirmed today."

Life can pick some pretty weird times to sucker punch you right in the face. Like when you're waiting in line at a Mexican Grill for dinner at 10:30 PM on a Wednesday (can I get a HUMP DAAYYYYYYY?) night.

No, this isn't me going into detail about how I was metaphorically assaulted by fate. This post also won't contain an explanation as to why I waited until 10:30 at night to eat dinner at a Mexican Grill (the tacos were quite good, though).

All I'm going to say is that someone played a joke on me. And while I love jokes almost as much as I love poop related humor and Spongebob Squarepants (Which are two of my favorite things in the whole world), sometimes jokes can be taken too far.

You see, you never know exactly what a person is going through, especially if you don't know them that well. And sometimes your attempts at humor can be interpreted as something far from humorous (like your radius, for example... ha. Anatomy pun. Oh I should get out more).

I know that this makes me sound like a hypocrite. I practically invented blunt / brutal humor. But this is as much a slap on my wrist as anyone else's. I have no right to tell people that what they're doing is right or wrong.

I do have a right to vent though, and that's what I'm doing. That's the perks of owning a blog. I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT ON HERE.

Well... within legal limits established by the United States government.

Okay. I feel better.

Goodnight everyone! Stay in school, kids!

-- Tyler

Why Do I Write...?

The other day someone asked me why I blog. You would think that I would have an answer to that question ready to go at a moment's notice... but I had to think about it.

And think about it.

And I'm still thinking about it. I have no idea why I blog. 

I don't write to entertain people. 

I don't write to prove a point.

I have no aspirations to persuade anyone to think or do anything. 

So why do I blog? Why do I shamelessly write down the thoughts in my head for the whole world to read, if they so chose to?

Some people tell me it's brave to write about my life. Some people call me stupid. I'm honestly probably a little bit of both. 

The answer to the question "Why do I blog?" will probably remained unanswered. I have no reason. So maybe I should just stop.

Totally kidding.

I don't know why I do it, true. But writing for me is something therapeutic. At the end of a stressful point in my life I can just blow off steam. If something good happens to me I can share my elations with the world. Maybe that's why I write, then: It makes me feel content. 

There's something about creating a post that is just incredibly satisfying. It's something that I fabricated completely on my own. Each post is 100% mine. The stuff people read is all Tyler all of the time. 

There's something comforting about that. This is one of the few places where I can be entirely me.

And you know what? I like being me. College taught me that. I enjoy being me because I'm the only me there is. Gone are the days where I feel like I have to be something for someone. If I'm something for someone it's because I want to be that something for that someone. Not because I felt like I had to change who I am to fit in.

God, college is awesome. I think I've learned more outside of class time than I have during classes.

This is kind of a choppy conclusion.

There. Post over.