Slow Blinks...

This is a completely 100% whimsical post that serves next to no purpose in society at all. Bar none.

So I just watched this video... about slow blinking. I don't know if you know what in God's name I'm talking about.

Slow blinking: That thing you do when someone says something really dumb or annoying and you just kind of give them a look that resembles this:


It has come to my attention that I do this ALL THE TIME. And I'm not sure if it's because of my lower tolerance for people or people's low capacity for basic functioning.

It has also come to my attention that the above GIF (pronounced either gif or jif I'm not sure at all) is mildly creepy and/or awkward. Sorry.

There's a lot of things that can spark this reaction:

Trips to Wal-Mart
90% of the people in my geometry class my sophomore year of high school (I was asked how to find the perimeter of a square... insert slow blink)
Customers at work
Most walks through Mizzou's Greek Town on a Friday night
My current algebra teacher
High school in general
Liberty traffic between the times of 4:30 PM and 6:15 PM
Gas prices
Jayhawks (sorry dad)
Really bad musicians
Jazz music
Celine Dion
My college tuition

The list goes on.

Here's the thing that growing up has made me realize: I can't change the people / things I slow blink at. They are going to do what they do no matter how I decide to react. Does that mean I shouldn't get angry? No. Does that mean I should never be annoyed? No.

I once read a quote that said "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Some people say Buddha said it. Some people say Buddha didn't say it. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Anger is a perfectly natural emotion that everybody experiences. Holding onto it is unhealthy. As a very famous Disney movie song once said "Let it go."

So yeah... that's kind of all I wanted to write about. It's my new initiative for myself and it can be an initiative for you too if you want. Or you can be cranky and bitter. It's whatever floats your boat, really.


Oh! I'm also going to start adding something new to every one of my posts. At the end of each post I'm going to post something that I read on the blogging website "Tumblr." If you're under the age of 30 I'm sure you've heard of it. There's not necessarily a theme involved. It can just be something I read that I found cool or funny. Or disgusting. Whatever I want, really. This is my blog.

So yeah.

Today I read on Tumblr:

I slow blinked at this.

The End of a Chapter...

Yesterday I got to go to my home away from home and spend a night with my second family dancing in the streets for one last time.

Fulton. The name holds a special place in my heart because a lot of the person I am today was formed on the campus of William Woods University.

If my life was a novel, my time with MASC would be a very very long chapter. Probably one of the really thick chapters in the middle of the book.

The part of the book where you meet the most pivotal characters and witness the largest amount of character development.

I owe the people of MASC a lot. I went to camp as a camper in 2012. A junior counselor in 2013. And now, most recently, a visiting alum in 2014. In the scheme of things, it may seem that two years is a very short amount of time.

But if you change perspective you can see that two years is 730 days. It's also 17,520 hours. A lot can happen in an hour. A person can learn a lot about themselves in a day.

By the grace of fate I have gotten to spend a vast number of days amongst many very influential people that have played some type of role in shaping me into the person I am today.

I don't think any groups have played a bigger part in my personal growth than 2012 Kouncil K (no, it's spelled correctly actually), 2013 Council E and the 2013 Junior Counselors.

From Kouncil K I learned that life truly beings when you break out of your comfort zone. During the week I got to spend with Kouncil K I was a cheerleader, chant maker, song writer, speech writer, speech giver, peace keeper, problem solver, leader, and follower... among a plethora of other things. I had to complete tasks that required various amounts of physical activity (something I detest) while working with people that I had known for literally less than 48 hours. It was magical. In Kouncil K I found friends and family. I found a life coach, a best friend, future classmates, and a system of never ending support.

From Council E I learned a very important lesson: Life is wasted if you don't spend your time having fun. These kids never fought... EVER. They were always smiling, laughing, and having a blast. I can tell you right now that when I was in middle school I was not a bundle of laughters and smiles. Middle school was awkward and weird and just not a good time. So I don't know how these dudes are approaching life... but they seem to have the right idea. At first I thought it was kind of odd... I was supposed to be teaching this kids about leadership and Student Council. But I'm 99.99999999% sure I learned more about life from them than they did from me. Keep on rockin' on Council E. You guys are the future movers and shakers of the world.

The 2013 JCs... I'm not super sure where to start. My letter telling me I was selected to be a JC was more than just a ticket to spending another week at the greatest place on planet Earth. It was a ticket to becoming a part of a group of people that make you life until you cry and cry until you laugh and make you feel every emotion possible. That letter was the key to gaining 53 of the goofiest, loudest, greatest, and most supportive friends a dude could ever have. To this day I can still tell you where I was and what I was doing when I figured out I was going to be a part of this family. It will forever be one of the best days of my life. These people have helped me through my lowest of lows and celebrated with me when I was sitting on my highest highs. They taught me that there is nothing in the world that feels better than having a true friend, and I'm lucky enough to have 53 of them.

The MASC of my chapter is ultimately over. For that I'm sad. The good news is that a lot of the people I've met are hopefully going to be recurring characters in my life. For that I'm grateful. I truly don't think there are better people in the world than the friends I've made through student council. So, while this chapter is over, I think a new one is beginning. And I'm sure there are going to be a lot of familiar faces.

The Times Have Changed and We've Grown Up...

So my finals week starts Monday, which means I have two written exams and two performance based exams standing between me and Summer 2014.

That's weird. I'm almost a quarter of the way done with my undergraduate studies.

What's worse is I still have no freaking clue what I'm going to do with my life, and apparently marry rich and/or win the lottery isn't a viable option... so... yeah.

Growing up is a strange experience. I'm in college and I'm expected to make all of these life decisions when a year ago I had to ask an adult for permission to use the bathroom. So society expects you to to mature pretty damn quick, to say the least.

Reflecting back on my freshman year of college I'd say I was rather successful areas and my performance in others was exceptionally mediocre. Grades were decent... first semester. I have an incredible job that brings me absolute joy and that I look forward to going to. I've made some awesome friends that will be around hopefully the rest of my life. Musically I've improved leaps and bounds too. But of course behind every success is failure. However there are parts of college that still confuse me.

I don't understand the allure behind getting plastered. All of my bouts of intoxication (don't act like you're shocked, I go to a state school) end with me hugging people and dancing on tables. From what I can deduce my soul is 17% white girl (the other 83% is taken up by "overly protective / jealous friend, sarcastic asshole, and mild - moderately pretentious musician), which is weird because usually when I interact with your stereotypical white girl I have to suppress an instinctual reaction to roll my eyes and vomit blood... wait no that's my instinctual reaction to dealing with people in general.  

Okay, maybe that last bit was a little harsh, but it's finals week come Monday and I'm stressed. Where was I?

Right. Digressing.

Growing up is weird, and I think I skipped the stage where I am a rebellious college student who sticks it to the man and has no regard for the rules of the system. For example: I spent my Friday night playing Diddy Kong Racing on the Nintendo 64. Yeah. Epitome of bad-assery. But in all seriousness I think I've blossomed into the role of "sarcastic yet concerned caretaker / parental role" rather swimmingly.

The point I'm trying to make is that there's apparently no set stages to growing up. You don't go from apathetic high school student to alcoholic college student to anal adult. Some of us skip the college phase and try to be anal adults in college (we're a dying breed, and if I could graph how many people snickered internally at my use of the word "anal" I would prove it to you). So freshmen year is almost over and for some people it already is.

I come back to Liberty for the summer. Not sure if I'm excited about that because I burned quite a few bridges when I moved to Columbia. Do I regret it? No. They were bridges that never should have been built in the first place. But it goes without saying that when your friends live across the state from you having a social life is difficult at best. Thankfully I have a few road trips scheduled to go see those people throughout the oncoming season on top of hopefully working a lot and making a decent amount of money (or as decent as a college student's savings account can get). And then what happens next?

I move back to Columbia and live in an apartment year round for however long. The future is not defined and I'm mildly paranoid about it. Rent is expensive. Food is expensive. Being alive is expensive.

And that's the harsh reality. Times change. People grow up. People grow apart. I can't say I'm as close to my high school friends now as I was in high school (actually I'm still only mildly close to one of them). And that's okay. People come in and out of your life. The ones that were meant to stick around will stick around. The ones that don't will find their way out the door without you expediting the process. I just hope the people I want to keep around are the ones that are meant to.

Nobody really ever asks to be thrown into the harsh world of adulthood. It just sort of happens. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to live life as a tree. Very little stress. The worst thing that could happen is you get chopped down and turned into a Justin Bieber spiral bound notebook. So even after you're cut down some pre-teen girl is still going to love you.

But I wasn't born as a tree. I was born as a living, breathing, sarcastic human being with a great head of hair. And I'm going to live the life I was given because I only have one (since I wasn't born as a cat). Growing up can suck, but it can be mildly rewarding too.

Interesting.

Time Is Limited...

Put your hand in front of your mouth. Inhale. Exhale.

Do you feel the stuff going through your nose and mouth?

That's life.

Put one hand over your heart.

Do you feel that?

That's purpose.

If there's a clock nearby please look at it. That's time. And it's ticking.

The fact of the matter is that everybody is mortal and everybody's days are numbered. It's mildly frightening that I don't know how much time I have to pack the equivalent of one lifetime into, because a lifetime isn't measurable. One person may pack a lifetime into twenty years and somebody else might spread a lifetime out across seventy.

There's no control. And that's terrifying for me because I like to be in control.

I could walk across the street on the way to class tomorrow and be plowed over by an old lady in a car (probably because I was checking Twitter and not paying a lick of attention). So then I have to pose the question to myself: Am I happy with my life so far?

It's a loaded question that is multi-faceted. I have to look at almost two decades of living. And to some that may seem like a lot and to others that may seem like the blink of an eye. However I'd like to think I've packed more life into almost 20 years than most other people my age.

Between school, friends, my music, my leadership activities, my personality, my individuality, and my thriving self-sufficiency I think I've got a lot going for me. And there's no telling how far that it'll take me. But I know that I'm going to take it as far as I possibly can, because that's the best I can hope to do.

I firmly believe that everyone was put on this planet for a reason. And for that reason I think it's imperative that everybody make the most of the time they're given no matter how long or short that period of time is. Because as long as your heart is beating and your lungs are breathing you have the chance to change the world into something incredible.

So get out there. Move the world and shake things up. There's not enough time in the world for anyone to take anything for granted.

Time is limited.

The Puzzle Can Build Itself...

I do an awful job of just going with the flow. It's pretty much the reason why my aspirations to drop out of high school and be a hippie fell through. That and I like being... clean. And I'm way too introverted.

Yeah. Never a pragmatic idea in retrospect. Oh well. I digress.

I'm a man (boy... guy... dude... male) that likes to be in control of his life at all times. So I'm usually pretty disappointed because outside of my own actions I have control over diddly squat. Yes, it is very frustrating, thanks for asking.

I learn a lot in college (and the learning is very heavy on the musical side), but I pride myself in what I learn outside of lectures, rehearsals, and lessons. The things that I learn about myself as a person just by living day to day. And my latest epiphany is that sometimes you just have to let go of the reigns and let life take you where it intends to take you.

Like I said, I'm a control freak. This lesson has been hard for me to come to terms with. I don't trust easily and fate is definitely not excluded from that. I still am not 100% comfortable with the idea of just letting things go. I've used a puzzle as an analogy before on a post about how great it feels to fit in without having to force the pieces to fit together.

Now I want to use a puzzle again in a different way. If my life is a puzzle maybe sometimes it's healthy for me to not even try and put it together. The purpose of a puzzle is to put the pieces together so that they make a picture that's printed on the box the puzzle came in. What if my life doesn't have a box? What if the pieces were just dumped out in front of me? No picture conveniently printed on a box for me to look at. No corner or edge pieces to set up a framework with. Just a jumble of pieces that may or may not turn into some vivid beautiful picture.

I'm not a visual artist. I can't draw or sculpt or any of that cool stuff. Not even my handwriting is aesthetically pleasing. So what if I just don't build the puzzle? What if, instead of siting down and stressing over what piece goes where, I just let the hustle and bustle of life shift the pieces around for however long I walk the planet?

Unorthodox? Undeniably so. Impractical? Maybe. But I study music and psychology. I'm the definition of impractical.

So why sit down and worry about things that might be outside of my realm of control?

Why not let the puzzle build itself?

Maybe it's okay to not always be in control.

I Can't Outlaw Fedoras...

I should just warn a lot of you now: If you are a highly religious individual that lives their life strictly by some religious doctrine and also happen to be a way right leaning conservative this post is likely to upset you and I'm not going to apologize.

I'm not a highly religious person. Tried going to church for about a year and a half. Didn't really feel exactly what I felt they expected me to. Not their fault, not mine either. To each his or her own.

I have nothing against religion (for the most part) and a large number of the moral codes that it stands for.

The 10 Commandments? Great. You shouldn't murder or steal. Coveting is bad for your emotional stability. Honor your mother and father? Yeah, do it. They put you on this planet, dammit, and they probably have plotted how to take you off (okay maybe that's just my mother).

Here's the thing though. Gandhi once said "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." I agree, somewhat. I like the Christian's idea of who Christ was and, historically speaking (at least to my limited knowledge), his non-supernatural acts seem to have been legitimate. If he walked on water great. If he healed a blind man and turned water into wine even better. Those things hold no relevance to the point I'm trying to get across. 

I disagree with Gandhi on his second sentence, "I do not like your Christians." Most (all?) of my closest friends identify as Christian and they're the greatest people I have ever met ever. They're people that, in one way or another, I aspire to be like as a human being. Loving, loyal, humble, honest, selfless, and accepting. I can describe all of them with those words with 110% confidence and there is probably an innumerable number of Christian people who fit into this same category, and that's great. If there's one thing I took away from the time I spent in church it's that God is, ultimately, love. And this belief is supported by their belief that man is inherently sinful and imperfect so God sacrificed his only son (which was also Himself? I'm hazy on that part) so that we could, after life on Earth, have the opportunity to spend eternity in Heaven with Him. 

The third sentence really resonates with me though. "They are so unlike your Christ." Wasn't Jesus the one who spent time amongst harlots and other sinners? The people that some of his followers are speak out against?

What I want to talk about is how people are using religion as a means to oppress the minority.

And yes, that is what some (not all) people are doing in the "name of God." I won't hear arguments against it. Westboro Baptist Church (just pointing out an extreme) is real and what they do is undeniable. 

Of course the  forefront of this issue is the legality of gay marriage (with abortion at an arguably close second). But I don't want to focus on abortion.

I haven't taken a government class since 2012 but last I checked the United States of America is not a theocracy and therefore, logically speaking, should not be passing laws that use religious scripture or ideology as a basis for its justification. 

If you don't like that? That's too damn bad. Go live in Iran or Vatican City. Their law making processes might adhere to your tastes more. 

So now I pose the simple question "Why?" Why is a book (or books, ideally) playing any part in the argumentation against whether or not someone can marry somebody of the same sex or something else that a person practicing a religion doesn't agree with? I think fedoras and Crocs are stupid and tacky. You don't see me trying to pass a law that outlaws fedoras and Crocs.  

People call it unnatural. So is an almost-20-year-old man's love for Spongebob Squarepants and Power Rangers. Sorry, you can't do anything to change that. Spongebob is the man, man.

Some people say that gay marriage ruins the sanctity of marriage, but I would argue that Rush Limbaugh's four very heterosexual marriages have single handedly ruined the sanctity of marriage (with Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian getting the assist) without needing any assistance from the gay population, but I don't hear anybody bitching about him.

The fact of the matter is that your religious beliefs shouldn't affect how somebody else lives their life. Don't like gay marriage? Don't get married to someone that's the same sex as you. Problem solved.

But please don't use a religious book as your arguments against other people doing it. Marriage came around before your religion as a means of obtaining social status and no religion is supposed to play a part in the governing of this country ("supposed to" being the key part of that phrase. But hey, I can dream). 

Again, this isn't me "hating" or "preaching against" Christianity. There's a lot of things I think Christians support and exemplify that, if practiced by society as a whole, would better the world.  Hate me if you want, but if what I wrote changes your opinion of me I think that speaks more for your character than it does for mine.

Have a great day everyone!

-- Tyler

A Wall With Glass on the Inside...

This post is dedicated three ways to three very special people. They know who they are.

Carrying on!

You can tell a lot about a person by their face.

A smile indicates happiness. A frown indicates something that probably isn't happiness. An ugly face where you contort your jaw to make many chins indicates a Snapchat.

You can really tell a lot about a person by what they're doing with their body. If my arms are crossed and I'm looking down it means I'm shy. If I have my teeth clenched and my mouth shut tight it means I'm mad. If I have my teeth clenched, my mouth shut tight, and I'm holding a gun it means I'm really mad.

All funny jokes aside (and they were funny, thank you) I think we take too much at face value.

We assume that the person that is smiling is always happy, and not just happy in that specific moment. We don't think that maybe they're sad more often than they are happy.

We assume that the person that is frowning is sad, but maybe they aren't always. Maybe they just stubbed their toe.

We assume that a person who is sarcastic and always has a snarky one-liner ready to deliver and also works pretty damn hard at his/her craft and likes to smile a lot has always been sarcastic and talented and happy. Maybe they're sarcastic because they had to find a way to counteract the timidness that often got them picked on when they were younger. And maybe they smile a lot because they figure that smiling on the outside and hurting a little bit on the inside is better than hurting on both sides. And maybe they slave away at their craft because they were never good at what society expected them to be good at (sports, if you're a dude).

The people always surrounded by their friends? Maybe they push themselves onto their friends because when their alone they become overwhelmed with stress and anxiety.

Maybe what you see and hear isn't a reality at all, but just a very strong facade put on by someone who has become very talented at fooling those who watch and listen to them. A strong wall that is the result of many years solid mental work that surrounds their whole mind and is so tall that you can't fathom where the top of it might even end.

And why do people build walls these walls? Because we trick ourselves into thinking we don't want anything to do with the outside world. But that's not what we really want.

We want to find someone who will knock that son of a bitch down. We want to find someone who will look past our face value and see us for what we're really worth. We want someone to invade our mental kingdom and take over and see us for more than just the show we put on.

If the outside of the wall is brick then the inside surely must be glass. Smooth and polished glass that acts just like a mirror. So one thought reflects off the wall and back to another side and keeps ricochetting off of the barrier until God knows when. So if the thought is a negative one you're stuck until it loses its momentum.

Talk about shit out of luck.

In my almost 2 decades of life (I round up) I've found maybe three people that have even taken a gander to see behind my walls (in a non-creepy way), and I kind of like that number. If you ask School House Rock, three is a magic number. Not too many and not too few.

I can't let everyone behind the wall though. There's not enough room and I don't have the patience to be hosting a party in my head all the time, there's enough going on as it is (damn you, music school).

There's nothing quite as satisfying as meeting those people that pick up the hammer and start swinging. In some weird way, the damage is liberating. The wall doesn't just keep people out it also keeps you in, isolated from a world of possibility and endless opportunity.

Who knows where'd you be if someone didn't care enough to start tearing your wall down?

Brick by brick, until you finally can see what's on the other side.