Ban the R-Word...

I was at Walgreens today (technically yesterday, I guess) to pick up some photos and I heard a lady with her daughter walking by me on her way out say something. I didn't catch the full sentence but I heard the words "He is just so retarded."

I've never been so disgusted by a stranger. And while I'll admit that Liberty isn't the classiest town (and there's no use in denying it, we've got like 12 banks) and that some of the "kids" in this town aren't the most mature, but I was incredibly dumb founded that a middle-aged woman, in front of an impressionable child, say a word in such a demeaning and ignorant context.

Sometimes you slip up. We're human. Everyone makes mistakes, I get it. I'm guilty of slipping up too. But it's the fact that people throw the word around like it doesn't mean anything that gets my blood boiling.

If there's anything MASC taught me, it's that you should respect and love everyone no matter their cognitive level, sexual orientation, race, religion, etc.

Not tolerate. I hate that word. Tolerance. Saying you "tolerate" someone implies that they are beneath you, but you'll let them continue their mediocre way of living. You tolerate a bad attitude. You tolerate body odor. You don't tolerate someone being something they didn't ask for.

Because I won't deny that a mental handicap is something that most people wouldn't want. You don't sit in your mother's womb and say "Yeah. I think I'll be handicapped."

Some people will argue that the R-word is a valid medical term, and I can't deny that at one point it was.

However, the fifth (and most recent) edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders states has since replaced the phrase "mental retardation" with the term "intellectual disability disorder."

And for good reason.

The website www.r-word.org campaigns and asks for people to pledge that they will eliminate the R-word from their vocabulary, and here's a few reasons why (that I totally stole off of their site and I hope they don't mind because I can't word it any better than they did):

The R-word is EXCLUSIVE“What’s wrong with "retard"? I can only tell you what it means to me and people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the "in" group. We are someone that is not your kind. I want you to know that it hurts to be left out here, alone.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger 

The R-word IGNORES INDIVIDUALITY“Words matter. People don't need to scoff at others to make a point. Everyone has a gift and the world would be better off if we recognized it.” – Tim Shriver, CEO of Special Olympics

The R-word equates intellectual disability with being DUMB OR STUPIDWhen saying the R-word, “What we mean is that he is as stupid as someone who is mentally handicapped, and we mean that in the most derogatory sense. The implication is that the only characteristic of mentally handicapped individuals is their stupidity.” – Crystal, Stanford, CA  

The R-word spreads HURT“It is wrong to pain people with your language. Especially, when you have already been made aware of your oral transgression's impact. Make no mistake about it: WORDS DO HURT! And when you pepper your speak with "retard" and "retarded," you are spreading hurt.” – John C. McGinley, actor and star of the hit TV show “Scrubs”

The R-word is OFFENSIVE“The word retard is considered hate speech because it offends people with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well as the people that care for and support them. It alienates and excludes them. It also emphasizes the negative stereotypes surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities; the common belief that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities should be segregated, hidden away from society, which, in my opinion, is really old fashioned.” – Karleigh Jones, Special Olympics New Zealand athlete  

The R-word is INCORRECT“When you say the "R" word it makes people feel bad and it hurts my feelings and I don't want to hear you guys say it. Instead, you can call me a leader, a hero, or a human being, but please don't call me the "R" word.” – Dony Knight, Special Olympics Oregon athlete

The R-word is DEROGATORY“Because the word has become a casual description of anything negative or flawed, ‘retarded’ is no longer considered an appropriate way to describe people with intellectual disabilities. And any use of the word, even when used as slang and not intended to be offensive, is hurtful - because it will always be associated with people who have disabilities.” – Sara Mitton, Board Member, Treasure Valley Down Syndrome Association

The R-word fosters LONELINESS“It hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual disabilities on the bus and young people start making “retard” jokes or references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger  

The R-word is HATE SPEECH“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate.  And maybe you don’t realize that you hate.  But that’s what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them [people with intellectual disabilities], your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it’s nothing but another form of hate.  It’s more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything.” – Soeren Palumbo, student, advocate, brother to a sister with an intellectual disability.  

The word hurts, and is surely not to be used as a way of inflicting harm. Because even if it isn't directed at someone with an intellectual disability, calling someone or something retarded is assuming that they group you're comparing them to is intellectually inferior. 

Wrong. 

They're smart like you and me. They have feelings like you and me. They have dreams like you and me. But most importantly they too are human like you and me.

And nobody has the right to make anyone feel like they aren't human. 

I really hope I managed to get a point across with this post. It's a topic that means a great deal to me and a lot of my friends. 

If you would like to learn about spreading the word to end the word, or take the pledge to eliminate the r-word from your vocabulary (which would be the coolest thing you could do and takes so little time) you can find everything you need at the link I put at the bottom of this post.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope all of you have a wonderful day/evening/night/ whatever time of day this piece found you!

Love always,

Tyler

And, as promised, the link! http://www.r-word.org/

Lessons High School Taught Me That I Didn't Realize Until I Got To College...

So for all of you that aren't in high school do you remember complaining about how badly you wanted to graduate?

See, the difference between high school and middle school is that some people will admit high school happened. Middle school is a figment of the imagination. That's why we have high school reunions and not middle school reunions.

High school was a time of learning. Not like math and English. Like learning about life, and a lot of the lessons I learned in high school I didn't even know I learned until I got to college.

Damn you, public school.

Lesson 1: Be careful who your friends are. How many of my best friends from high school do I talk to on a regular basis? None of them. Am I still friends with some of them? Yes. Do I regret letting some of them get to know me as well as I did? Most definitely.

Lesson 2: Corollary to the lesson above, everyone I've met in my life is a blessing or a lesson. Or both, if you're lucky.

Lesson 3: What you did in high school DOES NOT MATTER in college after you've been accepted and scholarship money has been dealt. You were popular in high school? Who cares. You were student body president? Nobody cares. The only thing that matters is what you're doing in college now and who you are once you start the new part of your life. It's called a new part of your life for a reason.

Lesson 4: You don't have to have your life figured out by the time you are given a diploma. My first semester of college is over and I still have no idea exactly what I want to do with my life. Despite what most analogies say, life is not a book. You can't flip to the last page and have the ending handed to you. That's not how life works.

Lesson 5: The friends you make outside of high school and in college have the potential to last a lifetime. The people you meet when you go to college or are beginning to start a new part of your life are often in the same boat as you, and life changing situations that you experience with others often create strong bonds. If for some reason I find a woman that can tolerate me enough to spend the rest of their life with me, I think the people in that wedding (and I'm NOT looking to get married any time soon, mind you), for the most part, are people that I met after I walked across the stage and took my diploma.

Lesson 6: Go out of your way to brighten the days of other people. The cattiness of high school easily blinds you to what's truly important. Your image in high school won't matter when high school is over. I know it's hard to accept, but it won't. The habits you form in high school, however, will last well after you graduate. Why not form a habit of making other people happy?

Lesson 7: Your passion will stick with you. Music. Leadership. The two things that I was most involved in during high school. Conveniently they're the two things I'm most involved in post high school. Your passion helps define you, and chances are your definition isn't finished once your secondary education. Stick with what you love.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed high school. Except for the mono part. That was hell. I met people, worked on discovering who I am, and grew as a person.

Do I like college more? Duh.

Would I go back and change anything? Probably not. There were parts of high school that I hated. But I'm not a risk taker. I wouldn't want to change anything because I'm happy where I'm at and I wouldn't want to change the way I'm living life now.

If you're in college, I hope you can relate to my experiences.

If you're in high school I hope that what I learned will be helpful to you.

If you're done with college I hope I'm explaining this correctly.

Stay you.

Love always (unless you're a Republican),
Tyler

Just kidding about that Republican part.

A Musician's Fatal Flaws...

I love being a musician. It's on the small list of things about myself that I take pride in.

Music teaches you effort, passion, and a huge number of other valuable qualities that I can't recall at this particular moment (but they exist, I swear).

But of course with the good comes the bad, because that's the way the world is governed, and I'll be damned if there's a few qualities I inherited from musicianship that I'd happily go without.

For example:

We're overly sensitive. One sad song too many and you just become a permanent hot mess. Friends of musicians (especially the classically trained ones) beware. We got the feels. Like a lot. Especially if music playing at that particular moment matches whatever we're feeling. If that's the case it might just be better to run towards the nearest bomb shelter.

We're prideful. Oh dear lord above. We take pride in our work, just like all artists and craftsmen. We make something that makes other people FEEL something, and emotion is a powerful force. When we're on stage it's like we're gods and we're dictating what a person is feeling. It's a total rush once we get over the whole nerves thing and the pride in our art can turn into arrogance fast (guilty). And if you insult our craft? You'd be safer just opening the gates of hell. Really you would.

We're self reliant. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but pair it with pride and we're reluctant to accept help even when we really need it. Do you see the potential problem? Good. Glad we're on the same page.

We don't typically have a good grasp of our limits. And even when we know them we don't like to adhere to them. When's the last time you practiced a sport from 9 PM until 3 in the morning? I didn't think so.

I hate when people say "You're a music major? That must be so easy!" No. It's not easy. It's exhausting. How many other majors take required classes that are worth zero credit hours? Musicians have to read what is arguably an entirely different language (and the directions really are in another language most of the time), be completely aware of what a lot of muscles are doing all the time, and feel emotions all at the same time.

That's a lot to do.

Ya know?

Infinite Shades of Grey...

Anakin Skywalker once said (a long time ago in a galaxy far far away... ha) to former mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi: "If you're not with me, then you are my enemy." Or something like that. I don't know, I was way more focused on the fact that they were having an incredible lightsaber battle on a planet COVERED IN LAVA.

What really caught my attention was Obi-Wan's response. He said "Only a Sith deals in absolutes." Now... I don't have a dictionary nearby... but that sounds like an absolute to me. So thank you, George Lucas, for the terrible irony and for the inspiration behind this post.

In my 19 years and some odd months of life it seems like there's way too much of a "one side or the other" mentality in the world. Where you're either with someone or against someone.

Democrat or Republican
Rich or poor
Skinny or fat
Abundant or scarce
All or none
Good or evil

When did the world become so black and white? Why can't one be Independent? Or average weight? Or middle class? Why do people forget that between scarcity and abundance comes "enough"? Or that between all and none there's some?

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Sirius Black tells Harry and company that "... the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters." Which is to say that there isn't solely heroes and villains.

Between good and evil there is innocence and apathy.

There is no divine doctrine that states that you MUST take a side when presented with the option to do so, and I think that this is something that the world would do well to remember every once and a while.

You see, the world isn't simply divided black and white. There is grey. Infinitely many shades of grey (not the book). And if you think about it isn't everyone just their own shade of grey?

I can't think of a single instance where two individuals ideals line up perfectly. That's what makes us human.

What's wrong with being...

grey?

New Years Continuations...

This is the third time I've written about an approaching New Year...  so that means I've been blogging for over 2 years. That's a big deal because the only things I've stuck to longer than blogging is viola and Student Council. So I'll start accepting gifts now. Cool thanks.

On Facebook I asked for people to suggest topics for me to write about, so if you suggested something don't panic. I'm still brainstorming, but this post is somewhat obligatory and has been forming in my head for a few months now.

NEW YEARS. It's almost 2014. Holy balls. It's been almost a year since the world was supposed to end (again... I'm looking at you, Y2K) and the world is still very much alive. So that's cause for celebration, I guess.

I've expressed before how little I believe in New Year's Resolutions. I think, for the most part, they are very much mortal, and their life span is usually pretty short. Go to the gym a week from today and it'll probably be packed. Go to the gym in 6 months and it'll be empty because McDonald's drive-thru is much easier to handle. I'm so guilty of this. Let's not even deny it. Holla' at my Freshman fifteen.

However, reflecting back on 2013, I'm pretty pleased with what I accomplished and stuck to. I set myself guidelines instead of resolutions.

I said I wanted to work on thinking before I speak and live by the rules of Karma. I'm pretty satisfied with the progress I've made in those two areas and I plan to keep working on them.

So instead of resolutions or guidelines this year I would like to share with you my list of "New Year's Continuations." Thank you, it's clever, I know. I'm such a genius.

1. Music. This should be a given. I'm going to keep making music. It's one of the few things I'm halfway decent at, and it makes me so happy. Did I mention that I can keep my performance major and pursue my psychology major at the same time now? Yeah. Super jazzed about that. That means more more job / grad school opportunities... and God knows I need all the opportunities I can get.

2. Leadership. I'm going to keep exhibiting and enhancing leadership skills both in and outside of school. I recently was hired to work as a facilitator at Mizzou's Venture Out, a complex that specializes in group team building via the use of low and high ropes courses. Google it, the pictures on their website make it look way cooler than I can make it sound by writing about it.

3. Writing. Obviously. It's how I stay connected with a lot of people and it's a way for me to express myself and relieve stress / vent. I don't know where I'd be without it.

4. Tweeting really stupid stuff. It gets exceptionally dumber between the hours of midnight and 4 AM. Feel free to follow me @HannszKetchup (yes I am shamelessly promoting my Twitter right now. Sue me).

5. Burying hatchets and burning bridges. Whatever the situation calls for. I live by the saying that everyone you meet is a blessin' or a lesson. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two. I hope to reconnect with people whose bridges I burned and probably burn bridges and cut off communication with people that aren't good for me. We'll see where life takes me.

6. Meeting new people. It's one of my favorite things to do. How would I have met my best friends if I hadn't taken the chance to just say hello and start a single conversation? Funny how the world works.

7. Continue to foster the relationships I already have. I especially look forward to this one. A lot can happen in a year and I'm excited to see who still stands by my side and whose side I'll stand by when 2014 comes to its end. They say you'll meet some of your lifelong friends in college. I think that statement is true, though I hope I met a few of them beforehand too. Wink wink you know who you are nudge nudge you know what I mean.

8. Make mistakes. I'm human, and while perfection is always the goal, it'll never be reached. I make mistakes (though I don't like to admit it when I do). Everyone makes mistakes. Don't deny it. I think it's one of the best ways to learn. Mistakes lead to experience and experience leads to wisdom.

9. Continue to strive for self-actualization. Once I have come to terms with my personal potential I can then turn to helping the people around me without worrying about myself.

10. Try and change the world. I don't care on how large of a scale I do it, whether I revolutionize all of humanity or change the life of one person for the better. Either one would be equally satisfying. I'll keep at this goal until the day I die.

I picked these things because I think they are all things I can incorporate into everyday life.

So here's to a new year (almost). I hope you all had a good holiday!

Love always,
Tyler

5 Things I Learned by Being a Musician and/or StuCo Kid...

You'll never meet a person who's more satisfied with what they were involved in during high school than I am. The funny part is that in high school I wasn't involved in a whole lot. Orchestra, Student Council, and Choir.

I thoroughly enjoyed the experiences I had during these activities. I got to serve the community, travel to Boston, place 2nd in a national competition with my high school orchestra, be one of the first orchestra to play in the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts with the Youth Symphony of Kansas City, achieve the status of being one of the top ten high school violists in the state of Missouri, be a camper and then a leader at the best summer camp on earth ran by the best organization on earth, and through all of these things I got to become friends with some of the most inspiring, talented, kind-hearted, genuine, fun-loving people I'll ever meet.

But on top of all those things, I most value the life skills I learned from my time on Student Council and the effort I put in every day as a musician. So I've decided to compose a list of 5 things I learned by being a musician and a StuCo kid.

1. Being spontaneous isn't always a bad thing. In fact being spontaneous and being able to think on your feet are incredibly valuable. I find it hard to believe that every plan a person makes will follow through. That would imply perfection and I think that perfection is a myth (which I will discuss in detail later). When a plan you set doesn't work sometimes you don't have time to think of a new one. You have to make a decision right then and there and then work with the consequences (either good or bad) of that decision.

2. You should always aim for perfection and also be perfectly content with the fact that you'll never reach it. That sounds depressing, I know, and it had a negative resonance in my head when I thought of it but at the same time I think it's pretty empowering. If you always strive for perfection then you are guaranteed to give 100% effort at whatever you do. If you accept the fact that you'll never reach perfection then you will learn to be satisfied with the results you obtain when you've given 100% of your effort.

3. Keep your friends close. I met my two best friends because of music and StuCo and I've made a multitude of other invaluable friends who consistently inspire me and push me to be a better person. These people mean the world to me and I couldn't live my life the way I do without them. Even when they're hundreds of miles away I still keep in touch with them. Thanks, technology.

4. Express yourself. Whether it's through music, blogging, dancing, painting, or another form, self-expression is vital to being who you are. Because if you express who you are it allows the world to embrace who you are as well.

5. Be who you want to be. And whatever you want to be, be a damn good one. Nobody should be the sculptor of your life but you, and if the clay is on your potter's wheel then sculpt away! Create a masterpiece that you deem worthy of your creation.

Say Something...

Incoming Sappy Post About Thanksgiving Ahead

There. I warned you. 

Thanksgiving is probably one of my favorite holidays (Have I said that already?). I like the Fourth of July because I get to blow stuff up. I like New Years because it marks a time for me to start over and start writing a new chapter of my life.

I really like Thanksgiving because it's a time for me to reflect on what I'm thankful for... and to conceive another food baby. 

Yes, I know I said pretty much the exact same thing in my post earlier this week. I'm not going to repeat myself and talk about how thankful I am for the things I'm lucky enough to have in my life. 

I actually want to talk about the antithesis of Thanksgiving... Black Friday. I'm kidding... well, not really. Black Friday is arguably the antithesis of Thanksgiving. I mean... you spend a whole day being thankful and then not even 24 hours later you're out buying more stuff that you're probably not going to mention 364 days from now when it's time to stuff your face again.

I really want to talk about the antithesis to the concept of Thanksgiving: taking things for granted. 

I think it's safe to say that everyone and their mother has taken something for granted before. It's practically the unwritten American way. 

I personally take the fact that I have the freedom to write all of this down for granted, because not everyone is at the liberty to say whatever they want. 

I think one thing that a large portion of people take for granted though is other people. 

Take a minute to think. Is there a person in your life that you are close to or used to be close to? Do you talk to that person often? If not, why? 

There could be an endless reasons why, I suppose. Distance. Lack of time. It may not even cross your mind. 

I think that's the problem, though. We, as humans, are very social creatures capable of forming deep and intimate bonds with others. 

Yet at the same time I think we too easily neglect the bonds that we once so gently fostered. 

Why do two best friends just stop talking? When there was no fight, no falling out? Why do we let life so often get in the way? Something as trivial as school or work shouldn't get in the way of something as significant as friendship. I don't talk to my best friend every day. Do I wish I did? Oh hell yeah. And it shouldn't be that difficult. 

A lot of people say that today's technology inhibits social interaction. They say that it's not as "real" as face to face conversation. They might be right. But when face to face conversation isn't always an available option wouldn't it be better to fall back on " less real" interaction with important people than to just not interact with them at all?

In this day and age it's so easy to pick up your phone and tell someone "Hey, bud, have a great day." Boom. Easy. If the conversation progresses from there then great. Converse. If they reply back with "Thanks, you too!" then at least you interacted with them, and chances are you don't make someone's day worse by wishing them a good day. Ya know? 

It confuses me, really, how willingly people let their connections with other falter and eventually become severed. 

It just kind of seems like a lot of time was wasted, ya know?