Infinite Shades of Grey...

Anakin Skywalker once said (a long time ago in a galaxy far far away... ha) to former mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi: "If you're not with me, then you are my enemy." Or something like that. I don't know, I was way more focused on the fact that they were having an incredible lightsaber battle on a planet COVERED IN LAVA.

What really caught my attention was Obi-Wan's response. He said "Only a Sith deals in absolutes." Now... I don't have a dictionary nearby... but that sounds like an absolute to me. So thank you, George Lucas, for the terrible irony and for the inspiration behind this post.

In my 19 years and some odd months of life it seems like there's way too much of a "one side or the other" mentality in the world. Where you're either with someone or against someone.

Democrat or Republican
Rich or poor
Skinny or fat
Abundant or scarce
All or none
Good or evil

When did the world become so black and white? Why can't one be Independent? Or average weight? Or middle class? Why do people forget that between scarcity and abundance comes "enough"? Or that between all and none there's some?

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Sirius Black tells Harry and company that "... the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters." Which is to say that there isn't solely heroes and villains.

Between good and evil there is innocence and apathy.

There is no divine doctrine that states that you MUST take a side when presented with the option to do so, and I think that this is something that the world would do well to remember every once and a while.

You see, the world isn't simply divided black and white. There is grey. Infinitely many shades of grey (not the book). And if you think about it isn't everyone just their own shade of grey?

I can't think of a single instance where two individuals ideals line up perfectly. That's what makes us human.

What's wrong with being...

grey?

New Years Continuations...

This is the third time I've written about an approaching New Year...  so that means I've been blogging for over 2 years. That's a big deal because the only things I've stuck to longer than blogging is viola and Student Council. So I'll start accepting gifts now. Cool thanks.

On Facebook I asked for people to suggest topics for me to write about, so if you suggested something don't panic. I'm still brainstorming, but this post is somewhat obligatory and has been forming in my head for a few months now.

NEW YEARS. It's almost 2014. Holy balls. It's been almost a year since the world was supposed to end (again... I'm looking at you, Y2K) and the world is still very much alive. So that's cause for celebration, I guess.

I've expressed before how little I believe in New Year's Resolutions. I think, for the most part, they are very much mortal, and their life span is usually pretty short. Go to the gym a week from today and it'll probably be packed. Go to the gym in 6 months and it'll be empty because McDonald's drive-thru is much easier to handle. I'm so guilty of this. Let's not even deny it. Holla' at my Freshman fifteen.

However, reflecting back on 2013, I'm pretty pleased with what I accomplished and stuck to. I set myself guidelines instead of resolutions.

I said I wanted to work on thinking before I speak and live by the rules of Karma. I'm pretty satisfied with the progress I've made in those two areas and I plan to keep working on them.

So instead of resolutions or guidelines this year I would like to share with you my list of "New Year's Continuations." Thank you, it's clever, I know. I'm such a genius.

1. Music. This should be a given. I'm going to keep making music. It's one of the few things I'm halfway decent at, and it makes me so happy. Did I mention that I can keep my performance major and pursue my psychology major at the same time now? Yeah. Super jazzed about that. That means more more job / grad school opportunities... and God knows I need all the opportunities I can get.

2. Leadership. I'm going to keep exhibiting and enhancing leadership skills both in and outside of school. I recently was hired to work as a facilitator at Mizzou's Venture Out, a complex that specializes in group team building via the use of low and high ropes courses. Google it, the pictures on their website make it look way cooler than I can make it sound by writing about it.

3. Writing. Obviously. It's how I stay connected with a lot of people and it's a way for me to express myself and relieve stress / vent. I don't know where I'd be without it.

4. Tweeting really stupid stuff. It gets exceptionally dumber between the hours of midnight and 4 AM. Feel free to follow me @HannszKetchup (yes I am shamelessly promoting my Twitter right now. Sue me).

5. Burying hatchets and burning bridges. Whatever the situation calls for. I live by the saying that everyone you meet is a blessin' or a lesson. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two. I hope to reconnect with people whose bridges I burned and probably burn bridges and cut off communication with people that aren't good for me. We'll see where life takes me.

6. Meeting new people. It's one of my favorite things to do. How would I have met my best friends if I hadn't taken the chance to just say hello and start a single conversation? Funny how the world works.

7. Continue to foster the relationships I already have. I especially look forward to this one. A lot can happen in a year and I'm excited to see who still stands by my side and whose side I'll stand by when 2014 comes to its end. They say you'll meet some of your lifelong friends in college. I think that statement is true, though I hope I met a few of them beforehand too. Wink wink you know who you are nudge nudge you know what I mean.

8. Make mistakes. I'm human, and while perfection is always the goal, it'll never be reached. I make mistakes (though I don't like to admit it when I do). Everyone makes mistakes. Don't deny it. I think it's one of the best ways to learn. Mistakes lead to experience and experience leads to wisdom.

9. Continue to strive for self-actualization. Once I have come to terms with my personal potential I can then turn to helping the people around me without worrying about myself.

10. Try and change the world. I don't care on how large of a scale I do it, whether I revolutionize all of humanity or change the life of one person for the better. Either one would be equally satisfying. I'll keep at this goal until the day I die.

I picked these things because I think they are all things I can incorporate into everyday life.

So here's to a new year (almost). I hope you all had a good holiday!

Love always,
Tyler

5 Things I Learned by Being a Musician and/or StuCo Kid...

You'll never meet a person who's more satisfied with what they were involved in during high school than I am. The funny part is that in high school I wasn't involved in a whole lot. Orchestra, Student Council, and Choir.

I thoroughly enjoyed the experiences I had during these activities. I got to serve the community, travel to Boston, place 2nd in a national competition with my high school orchestra, be one of the first orchestra to play in the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts with the Youth Symphony of Kansas City, achieve the status of being one of the top ten high school violists in the state of Missouri, be a camper and then a leader at the best summer camp on earth ran by the best organization on earth, and through all of these things I got to become friends with some of the most inspiring, talented, kind-hearted, genuine, fun-loving people I'll ever meet.

But on top of all those things, I most value the life skills I learned from my time on Student Council and the effort I put in every day as a musician. So I've decided to compose a list of 5 things I learned by being a musician and a StuCo kid.

1. Being spontaneous isn't always a bad thing. In fact being spontaneous and being able to think on your feet are incredibly valuable. I find it hard to believe that every plan a person makes will follow through. That would imply perfection and I think that perfection is a myth (which I will discuss in detail later). When a plan you set doesn't work sometimes you don't have time to think of a new one. You have to make a decision right then and there and then work with the consequences (either good or bad) of that decision.

2. You should always aim for perfection and also be perfectly content with the fact that you'll never reach it. That sounds depressing, I know, and it had a negative resonance in my head when I thought of it but at the same time I think it's pretty empowering. If you always strive for perfection then you are guaranteed to give 100% effort at whatever you do. If you accept the fact that you'll never reach perfection then you will learn to be satisfied with the results you obtain when you've given 100% of your effort.

3. Keep your friends close. I met my two best friends because of music and StuCo and I've made a multitude of other invaluable friends who consistently inspire me and push me to be a better person. These people mean the world to me and I couldn't live my life the way I do without them. Even when they're hundreds of miles away I still keep in touch with them. Thanks, technology.

4. Express yourself. Whether it's through music, blogging, dancing, painting, or another form, self-expression is vital to being who you are. Because if you express who you are it allows the world to embrace who you are as well.

5. Be who you want to be. And whatever you want to be, be a damn good one. Nobody should be the sculptor of your life but you, and if the clay is on your potter's wheel then sculpt away! Create a masterpiece that you deem worthy of your creation.

Say Something...

Incoming Sappy Post About Thanksgiving Ahead

There. I warned you. 

Thanksgiving is probably one of my favorite holidays (Have I said that already?). I like the Fourth of July because I get to blow stuff up. I like New Years because it marks a time for me to start over and start writing a new chapter of my life.

I really like Thanksgiving because it's a time for me to reflect on what I'm thankful for... and to conceive another food baby. 

Yes, I know I said pretty much the exact same thing in my post earlier this week. I'm not going to repeat myself and talk about how thankful I am for the things I'm lucky enough to have in my life. 

I actually want to talk about the antithesis of Thanksgiving... Black Friday. I'm kidding... well, not really. Black Friday is arguably the antithesis of Thanksgiving. I mean... you spend a whole day being thankful and then not even 24 hours later you're out buying more stuff that you're probably not going to mention 364 days from now when it's time to stuff your face again.

I really want to talk about the antithesis to the concept of Thanksgiving: taking things for granted. 

I think it's safe to say that everyone and their mother has taken something for granted before. It's practically the unwritten American way. 

I personally take the fact that I have the freedom to write all of this down for granted, because not everyone is at the liberty to say whatever they want. 

I think one thing that a large portion of people take for granted though is other people. 

Take a minute to think. Is there a person in your life that you are close to or used to be close to? Do you talk to that person often? If not, why? 

There could be an endless reasons why, I suppose. Distance. Lack of time. It may not even cross your mind. 

I think that's the problem, though. We, as humans, are very social creatures capable of forming deep and intimate bonds with others. 

Yet at the same time I think we too easily neglect the bonds that we once so gently fostered. 

Why do two best friends just stop talking? When there was no fight, no falling out? Why do we let life so often get in the way? Something as trivial as school or work shouldn't get in the way of something as significant as friendship. I don't talk to my best friend every day. Do I wish I did? Oh hell yeah. And it shouldn't be that difficult. 

A lot of people say that today's technology inhibits social interaction. They say that it's not as "real" as face to face conversation. They might be right. But when face to face conversation isn't always an available option wouldn't it be better to fall back on " less real" interaction with important people than to just not interact with them at all?

In this day and age it's so easy to pick up your phone and tell someone "Hey, bud, have a great day." Boom. Easy. If the conversation progresses from there then great. Converse. If they reply back with "Thanks, you too!" then at least you interacted with them, and chances are you don't make someone's day worse by wishing them a good day. Ya know? 

It confuses me, really, how willingly people let their connections with other falter and eventually become severed. 

It just kind of seems like a lot of time was wasted, ya know?

The Good Life...

I won’t say Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (holla’ at me Fourth of July and New Years Eve) but I can’t deny that I do appreciate the premise of the day. 

I’m a little confused about it, though. Why do we have a holiday dedicated to being thankful? Shouldn’t we be thankful for anything and everything we have every day? 

Regardless, I like to dedicate a day out of my typically busy year to just reflect on everything I’ve been blessed with. So I figured hey, why not write about it? Ha. It’s my blog. I can write what I want.

Things Tyler is Thankful For

By: Tyler, conveniently 

My musical ability. It sounds snotty, I know. And I know I often complain about the fact that I’m not athletic (I just want a hot bod), but I truly love being so in tune with music (pun completely intended). It makes me unique and gives me a way to relieve stress and express myself in a creative way. Do I want to make a career out of it? Not necessarily, but I don’t know who I’d be without my ability to make music. 

My family. I don’t express my appreciation towards them enough, but they’re truly incredible (and slightly crazy) people. I don’t think I could ask for a better support system during my adventure through college. Nobody else in the world pushes me to succeed as much as they do.

My friends and family from MASC. I don’t think I could have asked for better people to be in my life. MASC has had an impact on my life that I can’t even hope to put its entirety into words. I went to a summer camp hosted by these incredible people and as a result I’ve met my best friend, my energetic Council E, my krazy Kouncil K, and 52 of the most inspirational teenagers I’ve ever been lucky enough to become friends with, all while getting to work with hundreds of the most influential student leaders in the state of Missouri. 

The ability to empathize with others. Simply put, I know I want to use this ability to help people in whatever way I can.

My school. I love being a tiger… I hate paying to be a tiger… but I guess I’ll deal with it. I get to go to school with some people who are going to be the next great movers and shakers of the world, and it’s so incredibly exciting. I know I’m at the right place to make a better life for myself and, by extent, work on bettering the lives of others. 

All of the people in my life. Everyone I’ve met has proven to be a friend for life or a lesson for life, and they’ve all shaped who I am. So if you’ve put in the effort to be my friend, thank you. I’m a better person because of you If you’ve screwed me over, thank you. I’m a wiser person because of you.

There’s my list. Short, sweet, and simple. Have a happy Thanksgiving everybody, and eat lots of food and get really fat!

Just don’t forget your stretchy pants. 

I Will Not Cry For You...

In my last post I talked about a test I took to discover what my strengths were as a leader. My highest rated strength was empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another person. I want to express the difference between empathy and sympathy, because they are two very different things. If somebody can empathize it means they understand what a person is feeling. They understand a person's struggles because they too have struggled or they can imagine to some degree what another individual is experiencing. Sympathy, on the other hand, requires no understanding. Sympathy is feeling pity in regards to another person's misfortune.

I do not sympathize often, especially when someone's sorrow is self-inflicted. I don't believe that sympathy is constructive in most scenarios. Especially in college. 

You got drunk and were issued an MIP? Too bad. Don't drink. 

You failed a test because you went out every night this week and didn't study? Ouch. You could have avoided that one.

You have a million things going on and you feel like you don't have time to accomplish everything? I totally get what you're going through. I've found that if I block out my time it allows me to be way more on top of all of the assignments I need to complete. Want any help?

I think a major problem with society is that people crave sympathy. Something in their life sucks and they want the world to sit down and cry with them. Sometimes that's helpful. Most of the time it's not. 

I'm a strong advocate of the theory that it's better to tell people the painful truth than it is to tell them a numbing lie. Antibiotics may sting but they kill the infection. A band-aid will just cover it up. 

I pride myself on being able to be blunt with people. That makes me sound like an asshole, I know, and maybe I am. But I'd rather be the asshole that tells someone what they need to hear so they can have a better future than be the person that tells a lie so as to temporarily fix the present. 

I like to call it tough love. 

College is full of people that need tough love, myself included. This is a time where we make mistakes, and we're supposed to learn from them, not a place for us to expect people to feel bad for our mistakes and then go make the same mistakes again.

I really like the way my viola professor explained it to me in a lesson a few weeks ago. She said that it's perfectly okay to make mistakes, as long as the mistake is made one time. After that it's up to you to notice the mistake, learn from it, and fix it. If you make a mistake a second time and you made it the same way you did the first time it's not a mistake. 

It's a choice. 

The Boat...

I'd just like to say that I'm sitting on top of Cloud 9 right now. Way up high in the sky looking down at the world. As long as I don't get hit by a plan (literally or figuratively, I guess) I think I could be in the running for happiest poor college student in the world. My best friend stayed with me two weekends ago. Two of my favorite people in the whole world were here this last weekend. I'm going to be home for a day and a half this upcoming weekend. I have an interview to be a facilitator at a team building ropes course on Thursday. And on top of that I think I'm starting to figure out exactly what I want to get out of college. 

That's not what I wanted to write about, I just need a way to release some of my excitement or I'm never going to get to bed. 

Digressing. 

During my Emerging Leaders Program last week we discussed our strengths. Before the session started all of the members were tasked with taking a quiz called "Strengths Quest." I answered well over a 100 questions about myself and from those questions I was told what my top 5 strengths were out of a list of 34 different options. Some of them I found pretty shocking. They were (in order from lowest to highest):

5: Adaptability. People who "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time. I won't say I'm completely surprised. For the most part I like structure, but I'm fully aware that most of my plans don't work out... so I guess that makes me adaptable. It wouldn't have been something I would have guessed would be in my top 5, but hey I answered the questions so I guess I can't argue it.

4: WOO. WOO stands for "Winning Others Over." I read this and immediately I got a negative vibe from it. I read "Winning Others Over" as "Manipulating the Feeble Minded In Order to Make Them Be Your Slave Monkeys." Okay I didn't word it like that, but you get what I mean. The description let me exhale a sigh of relief, though. People talented in the WOO theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person. I won't deny that I am kind of sappy when it comes to making connections with people. The connections I form with people are the most important things I have. Thought I try not to be a manipulative person. I have no aspirations to be a politician. Heh.

3. Communication. These people generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words (Hey! Look what I'm doing right now!). They are good conversationalists and presenters. I was a little surprised this one didn't score higher. I think it's safe to say I'm no stranger when it comes to being a communicator. Although my communication skills tend to get me in trouble sometimes... at least when it's blunt and sarcastic means of communication. But it's also important to me personally. I need to communicate with people, it makes me feel tranquil. And if they don't communicate back I stress out a bit (a lot, really). Hey. Nobody's perfect. Hannah Montana taught me that. She also taught me how to ride a wreck- moving on.

2. Strategic. People talented in this area create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues. I'm a decent problem solver (unless it's music theory. That's just a problem that requires divine intervention). I guess this also kind of fits in with adaptability. I wasn't expecting this one to score so high, but I wasn't surprised either. It's a valuable skill, and I'm glad I have it.

1. Empathy. Literally everyone that reads that empathy was my highest laughs, and I guess I can't blame them. Sarcasm and dry humor don't usually mix with "empathy," but I count on my friends that know me well to see my empathetic side a little better. People talented in the empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' situations. I'm empathetic, but not always sympathetic. I don't find pity to be useful or empowering. I think empathy is an effective means of bonding with people, though. Use of empathy leads to enlightenment in the sense that you can better understand the people that surround you. If you understand someone you can bond with someone, and I think I've established how I value my emotional connections with other people.

After we read about our top 5 strengths we were given a sheet of paper with a picture of a boat on it. Our job was to take our 5 strengths and decide which one was the anchor, oars, sail, boat, and rutter.

The anchor is what keeps you grounded.

The oars are what push you along and keep you going.

The sail is what the wind in your sail is.

The boat is the base of who you are.

The rutter is what guides you.

I decided that my anchor was my communication. When I'm stressed and I need to ground myself and pull my head out of the clouds I talk to people. I write. I just have to express what's running through my head to make room for new thoughts. My mind is a very hectic and cluttered place.

My oars are my adaptability. No matter what happens I remind myself that I need to go with the flow and keep moving forwards. Reminiscing on troubles in my past doesn't lead to progress. I have to adapt to the situation and push forward.

My sail is my WOO. When I can, I try and let my social skills push me forwards. It makes for an easier voyage. I can't always rely on it, but I like to use it when I can.

My rutter is strategy. I like to count on the fact that I can analyze a situation and develop a solution, and that allows me to guide myself through rougher waters. I like to keep moving but sometimes it's more beneficial to sit down, take a deep breath, and develop a plan of action. Spoken like a true silver.

My boat is empathy. My ability to understand the needs and emotions of others is what makes me who I am. It has ultimately gotten me to where I'm at now, and I like where I'm at now. People sometimes laugh when they say I want to be a guidance counselor (it's all that damn sarcasm), but I think that my empathy is exactly why I want to be one. Despite my blunt tendencies, I understand people. I want to help people, not sit on the sidelines and pity them. 

I like that college is allowing me to strengthen the idea of who I want to be. I feel like I learn something new about myself everyday, and I still have 7.5 (ish) semesters to go. Here's hoping I learn even more every day from here on out.

Cheers!

-- JewFro