I see the world in colors of leadership...

I have yet to leave my bed and I'm currently munching on pretzel sticks with Nutella, because I love America.

I thought it would be fun to start off this post with a list. Let the record show that I almost typed "start this post off with a lisp" which would have been sufficiently awkward because then I would have to replace all of the S's in this post with the combination of TH and that would take way too much time, so let's be glad I caught my mistake and this really isn't topical at all so I'm going to move on.

The list:

Things Tyler Could Be Doing Instead of Blogging That Would Be Much More Productive:

1. Working on the paper that he hasn't been at school to write due to illness.
2. Working on the math that he hasn't been at school to learn due to illness.
3. Working on the psychology that he hasn't been at school to study due to illness.
4. Clean his room (lolz, how 'bout no?).
5. Do his laundry (I'm running out of stretchy pants). 
6. Practice his viola (I really should, though). 
7. Practice for choir.
8. Walk his dog.
9. Play with this dog.
10. Walk his brother.
11. Shovel the driveway.
12. Push-ups
13. Sit-ups
14. Bathe the dog
15. Bathe himself

I could do all of those things... but that sounds like work. Instead, I want to share some stuff with anyone who is bored enough to read this blog. And by "stuff" I really mean I just want to take this moment to talk about MASC and my experience at Winter Energizer. I'm perfectly aware that this post is way overdue, but I'm a busy person and, since my Xbox froze, I figured now would be a better time than ever, because it's not like I have a long list of things I could (should) be doing instead. 

*insert transition that I didn't want to think of here*

One of my favorite things that I did with MASC was when I took a survey that told me my "True Colors." It's this concept that there are four different styles of personality/leadership, and they're each represented by a color. 

The four colors are teal, orange, silver, and green. Each one of them represents a very real, very human personality. Each color has its strengths. Each color has its weaknesses. 

Teals are authentic. According to dictionary.com authentic is defined as: "not false or copied; genuine." Teals are the people who put their heart on their sleeve and want to show the world affection and receive affection in return. They value compassion and sympathy. Teals do not stand for being deceived. They express enthusiasm and foster harmony. Teals promote the growth and development of others. Teals are compassionate.

Oranges are skillful. They are spontaneous and want to be free. They value skills, having options, and charisma. They want flexibility and want to avoid rigidness. Oranges are known for being optimistic, if not a little impatient. Oranges are confident and eager. They foster enjoyment and fun. Oranges promote stimulation and taking risks. Oranges are fun-loving. 

Silvers are dutiful. They want assets, security, and to have an influence on others. Silvers value dependability, accountability, and responsibility. They do not enjoy disobedience, non-conformity, or insubordination. Silvers express concern (when needed), stability, and purpose. They respect loyalty and obligation while promoting a team atmosphere, bonds, and organization. Silvers are stable. 

Greens are intelligent. They dream of truth, perfection, and accuracy. They value answers, resolutions, and explanations. They dislike injustice and unfairness. They express coolness, and calm collectedness, and reservation. They respect one's capabilities and promote effectiveness, competence, and know-how. Greens are tough-minded. 

If there's one thing I learn and relearn whenever I transition from MASC to normal life, it's that there isn't one person who can't relate to one of these colors (if not all of them) in some way. It's impossible to not identify with one of these colors because all of these colors describe what it means to be human. And unless you're a reptile / amphibian / bird / fish / invertebrate / non-human mammal you'll identify with one of these descriptions, too. 

I remember the first time I took the quiz that was designed to tell me what my color(s) were. After I finished it my Kouncil (I know how I spelled it) and I got to reflect on what we thought it meant. It was an awesome experience. When I know someone's color it immediately radiates out of them. They become a huge ball of teal / orange / silver / green. Knowing your color allows for a lot of introspection. I remember when I forced one of my best friends to sit down and take the quiz. Ironically we scored exactly opposite. That's what's awesome. All of the colors, when utilized correctly, are compatible with one another.

So this is my "challenge" to you. If you read this, and it piqued your interest, I would like for you to simply comment on the Facebook post that held the link to this blog with what color(s?) you think I am. I take this quiz once a month and it usually yields consistent results, but I want to see if the way I'm perceived matches the way I perceive myself. And in return I want to take a stab at what color I think you might be. Just for funsies.

PS If you already know what color I am you're BANNED from the game. That would be cheating.

That's all.

Stay in school, everyone!

The Grumpy Old Troll Who Lived Under a Bridge...

Let me just say that it's 1:30 in the morning and I have no intention of going to sleep anytime soon. I don't know why... I'm just not sleepy...

Okay that's a lie, I'm really tired. But I can't sleep... so hopefully I'll bore myself with writing and fall asleep. Except I'm sitting at the bar in my basement (18 years sober! Ba dum tss!) so sleeping wouldn't be that comfortable. Just don't blame me if this post doesn't make any sense... blame... biology... or something.

Recent events have made me do a lot of soul searching these last few days (am I the only person who seems to do a lot of soul searching?). And by "soul searching" I really just mean "critical thinking while I'm taking a shower." I hope I'm not the only one that does that. In my head I'm like "time to do some deep thinking" but everyone around me hears "I'm going to take a shower." Maybe it's the steam. Anyways, one thing I've concluded is that the new computer that I'm currently writing this on freaking flies. It's so much faster than the little brick I was writing on earlier.

The other conclusion I arrived at is that it seems that most of my problems derive from poor communication and misunderstanding. Seem a little obvious? That's what makes it so frustrating. Such a simple concept should be easy to avoid, right? So what makes it so common? So difficult? Well if you were expecting some philosophical and incredibly wise answer from me you're out of luck. I have no idea. I even asked Google, but a Google search of "why is misunderstanding so common" resulted in "Common Misunderstandings of Buddhism." Correct me if I'm wrong, but something tells me that this result won't aid me in my endeavors to answer my question.

This past week, though, has been infested with misunderstanding after misunderstanding. Whether it's a misunderstanding that derived from orthodontic work (don't ask) or a misunderstanding that derived from the fact that I'm simply a bit of a drama king (I don't need to emasculate myself any further, I'm a non-athletic musician), it seemed that some bit of information was always being misunderstood or left out and that always led to someone getting upset.

 If you asked me "Why?" I'd probably respond with "Hell if I know." What I do know is that these misunderstandings have taken a toll on my mood. This break I started out as that kid sitting atop Cloud 9 looking down on the world feeling absolutely 100% invincible. Nothing could bring me down simply because the ones that tried weren't capable of changing my mood and the ones that could change my mood were simply nice enough to elevate me and wanted to see me happy.

For a time.

You see, occasionally I'm known to grind on the nerves of people and push the envelope just a little too far. I started off as the kid riding Cloud 9 but then I quickly took a free fall and metamorphosed into the grumpy old troll who lives under a bridge. It's true that in the beginning the people who had the ability to knock me out of my happy place didn't do so simply because they were my friends. When they were happy I was happy. However, like a snake, they would attack when provoked. Stupidly enough I was the dumb ass who thought "heh... let's poke it with a stick." Needless to say, I got bit. What's even more unfortunate is that the snake was venomous. Whoops.

Now they say when you get bit by a snake you're supposed to suck the venom out. So that's what I'm going to do. The process takes time, though. With time I hope to be able to climb out from under my bridge, transform back into a being that doesn't resemble a grumpy old troll, and hopefully be on friendly terms with all of the venomous snakes again. Here's hoping.

Totally unrelated side-note: I just watched Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. This is me attempting to use the powers of subliminal messaging. Now I'll just go be direct: Go watch it on YouTube. I don't know why I thought it was funny because I'm pretty sure it's one of those videos that girls like to watch and be like "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's so cute!" Okay, women, guess what? I watched an interview with the voice actor for Marcel the Shell (sometimes I just get bored and watch videos on YouTube... judge me). 1. The voice actor is a chick. 2. She's weird. So there. However, Marcel the Shell With Shoes On did say something rather meaningful. At the end of the second video Marcel asks the cameraman...

"Guess why I smile a lot."

To which the cameraman replies with a rather guess-able "Why?"

"Uhhh... cause it's worth it."

You go, Marcel the Shell With Shoes On... you go.




If you've been reading my posts up until now then you deserve a huge "thank you." I don't really write to entertain people, I write to organize the jumble of thoughts that seems to consistently be bouncing around inside my head. Not to brag, but I was given the gift/curse of being able to retain a larger amount of information than normal (just never information that I seem to need to know for tests in school... funny how the world works), and this is kind of how I relieve myself of some thoughts.

If there's a topic that you thing I should be aware of or if you'd like to see me write about, feel free to comment on the Facebook post containing the link to this blog. If we're not friends on Facebook then I have absolutely no idea how you stumbled across this blog... and that's a little concerning.

Well it's now 2:05 AM and I should probably get some sleep, lest my whole biological clock gets turned around just in time to go back to school. That would be grand, wouldn't it?

No, it wouldn't.

Not Resolutions...Guidelines...

Good news! The Mayans didn't kill us. What a relief. I must say, I was so concerned. I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas / Kwanzaa / Hanukkah / whatever it is you choose to celebrate around this time of year. We're about to start a new year, though. It's the last day of 2012, and I must say this year has been rather interesting. There have been some good times, there have been some great times, and I've had some of the best memories come out of this year. Despite the fact that 2012 isn't ending quite how I wanted it to, I'm going to take it as a challenge.

Last January I posted the things I wanted to change in my life. They were as follows: 

- I want to work on being a nicer person. It's safe to stay I still have a lot of work to do. 

- Eat healthier. Uhhhhhh... we'll skip that one. #TeenageBoyProblems

- Start exercising. I actually stuck to this one for a while. Going to the gym was some of the most fun I've ever had.

- Post on here more. Check.

- Live life for me. Yeah... that's not happening anytime soon. Oh well.

- Volunteer more. I went on a mission trip over the summer that was full of volunteer opportunities. I've also volunteered a lot this year with StuCo. It's fun and gratifying. 

- Spend more time with friends. In the long run that may have been more hurtful than helpful in some instances. 

- Start taking school seriously. If you can count taking easier classes for your senior year to boost your GPA as taking school seriously... then mission accomplished!

- Censoring myself. Well... I'm not a miracle worker. So... 

I'm not sure how smart it was for me to set up so many resolutions at once. Scratch that. It was really dumb of me to set myself so many resolutions at one time, because I managed to stick to like... three. 

So I've decided to try a new approach. Instead of setting a resolution I've decided to institute guidelines for me. Basic rules that I am going to live my life by in order to well... not f*** stuff up. 

So here they are. My guidelines.

1. Think before I react. Shit undeniably happens. Issac Newton said it best in his Law's of Motion when he claimed that "every action has an equal and opposite reaction." I must admit I haven't been abiding by that law very much. It's been more like "for every action Tyler will have available a reaction that is over the top and over dramatic." Yes yes, I know. My bad. I want to work on it though. You see, at first I didn't care if I upset someone with my dramatic tendencies because typically the people I upset were people that I really didn't give two shits about. I stepped over that boundary too, though. My diva-ness has started to take a toll on a relationship that I and another have put a lot of time and effort into... again. It's a miracle that they've put up with me for this long, and I'm praying that things can go back to the way they were. 

2. The rule of Karma. It's pretty simple. I should not dish out crap and not expect people to not throw crap right back in my face. I figure a three-fold system would apply nicely here. Whatever I do is going to come back to me three-fold. Sometimes it's better to just hold your tongue... or so I've heard. 

So there they are. My New Years guidelines that hopefully will last me more than a year. Feel free to remind me of them whenever I seem to stray from the path that I have created for myself. 

Now that I think about it, though, I don't like the idea of New Years Guidelines. Why wait until the new year to start applying them to my life. Why not start...

... now?

 

I Take Back Everything I Said... Everything 'Till Now...

Do you remember the post I made where I expressed all of my fears for college?

I take it back.

 At this point in time I can't wait for college. Anything to get me away from this house. It should say a lot about a family who manages to fight on days like Christmas and birthdays. I would love nothing more than to move 3 hours away and live in a dorm so I don't have to put up with these people on a daily basis.

That's really all I wanted to say.

Roller coasters...

So I have All-State Orchestra auditions tomorrow... yikes. Despite the fact that, yes, I made it last year, I'm still about ready to pee my pants, dry heave, or sit in a corner and suck on my thumb... or maybe a combination of the three... we'll see how much sleep I get.

Moving on!

Life's a roller coaster. And I, despite the fact that I don't seem to be your typical teenage guy, am somewhat of an adrenaline junky.

I wasn't always so into roller coasters though. The first time I rode a roller coaster that wasn't contained in a theme park's kiddy section was easily one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. Why was that hill so big? You mean we were going to get in a tiny car and ride all the way to the top of THAT? Why was everyone screaming like they were about to die?! This couldn't possibly be fun. If anything it was borderline suicidal. What if my seat belt breaks? What if the car derails? What if I get stuck next to some fat guy and he falls on me and crushes me? What if the ride camera took my picture and I looked like an idiot?

All of those nagging worries passed through my head while I was waiting in line for what I was sure was going to be my imminent demise. Doomsday had come, boys and girls, and its target was me specifically.

Eventually I got to the front of the line and the ride attendant was like "Hold up, little man. I need to make sure you're tall enough." Everyone in line probably rolled their eyes. They probably thought I was some brat that was going to waste time in line and then not be tall enough.

"Looks like you're too short." I was relieved. I wasn't going to die today.

"I'm only kidding. You're tall enough. Go right on ahead." F*** my life. I started saying my prayers. I didn't even have a will written up. Who was going to inherit my Nintendo 64? Or my Gameboy? WHO THE HELL WAS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF MY POKEMON?

Next thing I knew I was sitting in a roller coaster car, making a slow ascent to the top of a 200-something foot hill. You could see until forever from on top of that hill. It was awesome. I was on top of the world. And not like Jack and Rose when they were on the front of the Titanic. No iceberg was going to sink this ship.

Until we went down the hill. My ass left my seat. My stomach flew up into my throat. Everyone was screaming. This was it. The moment I had been waiting for. My short short life was over. Done. Finished. We were going to fly off the track. We... we...

Started to go up the second hill. I was on top of the world again! Still no icebergs in sight.

And then we went back down the hill.

I don't know how many times this process repeated itself. I just remember getting off the ride and thinking "I'm alive... and that was actually pretty fun."

All of that worrying had been for nothing. My seat belt didn't break. The train didn't derail. Not one fat person fell on me during the course of the whole ride. Yes, I looked like an idiot in the picture... you win some you lose some.

I've gone through my whole life over-thinking and worrying about everything. Even if it's things that I can't control. I was once told that life is too simple to be so damn difficult. I think that phrase has a lot of value and meaning to it.

Maybe people who live in the moment do have it better. Why worry about the past? It already happened, you can't change it. Why worry about the future? You can't guarantee what's going to happen and you'll only be wasting what could be a very nice moment.

It seems kind of odd that I would be preaching that mantra. Biological predisposition made me a worry wart by default.

Why waste the time though?

When you're on the roller coaster you don't worry about the next hill.

I have officially conceived a food baby...

Thanksgiving. A time for being thankful. A time for being with family and other people you love. It's also the one day during the year where you and your dinner plate can have an intimate relationship that results in you conceiving a food baby. Just me? That's cool.

This year I feel like I appreciate the situation life has graced me with more than I have the past few years.

Maybe it's because this is my first Thanksgiving that I spent as a legal adult. Maybe it's because I hit my head one night while I was sleeping and now I'm just a much perkier person. Maybe that last possibility is a little far fetched. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like the status of my life at this moment is a little too good to be true. Then again, I don't want to bury it over its head in questions either. Instead I'm going to list things I've been thankful for recently:

- My music. Both the music that I've been blessed with the ability to create and the music formed by other people that I've been blessed to hear. A lot of people don't understand exactly what it feels like to play a piece and make it yours. Sure, some other (probably dead) person wrote it. You get to add your personality to it, though. What you feel when you make music is you. Not the potentially dead person that wrote it. It's similar to the artist finishing their masterpiece. The athlete scoring that game winning touchdown or dominating that race. The actor delivering a killer monologue. The singer (who are musicians... but I'm trying to cover all of my bases) being solid on every note and bringing a crowd to their feet. Making music sort of feels like that. It's just so instantly gratifying. Revoke my man card (as if I ever really earned the right to carry one) if you want, but it's pretty awesome and there's nothing in the world I love to do more.

When it comes to listening to music, though, it's just as satisfying. Just in a different way. Have you ever heard a song and felt chills because of the way the sound strikes the pleasure center in your brain? If not then you're really missing out. For me it's movie soundtracks mostly. Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings), Harry Gregson-Williams (Chronicles of Narnia), Alexandre Desplat (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts 1 and 2) and Hans Zimmer (Holy shit... uhh... The Dark Knight, Inception, COD MW2, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sherlock Holmes, Kung Fu Panda, Black Hawk Down, The Da Vinci Code... you get the picture) are my personal favorites. Pardon me for sounding like an extremist, but their music seems to give me some kind of high. Odd way to phrase it? Maybe. But I can't think of a better way to word it. The way they can manipulate sounds to fit into the plot line of a movie and actually add to the movie instead of distract a viewer is incredible. And on top of that their music can still stand alone and be listened to sans movie. It blows my mind.

- My huge ass family. No, I can't name 9 out of every 10 people I see on Thanksgiving. Yes, they all seem to know who I am. No, it's not fair. Oh well. I make progress on facial recognition every year darn it and at least I'm putting forth an effort. Granted at these shindigs I don't really say a whole lot (crazy, I know) because they all really like to talk about football and, for anyone who knows even the tiniest bit of information about me, I know absolutely nothing about football. The atmosphere, though, is awesome. It's sophisticated but borderline chaotic. There's a good chance we've exceeded a building's maximum occupancy limit on a number of occasions. And the food... don't even get me started on the food. You will never taste ham or roast beef as good as what I get to eat around Thanksgiving every year. Unless we're related... then you might.

- Quality bonding time with friends. The first thing I wanted to mention was the Student Council lock-in I just went to a few days ago. Dear God it was insane. Do not give my council a ton of sugar and very little sleep because it gets the tiniest bit loud and the tiniest bit hectic. I'm incredibly thankful for this lock-in though. It gave me the opportunity to chill with a few people on StuCo that I probably never would have bothered getting to know otherwise. Before long we were answering questions about each other on a mock dating game (which was weird), hiding together at the top of the bleachers in the gym (we were playing hide and seek... and getting down was a little dangerous), and talking about crotch odors (don't ask). It was exactly what StuCo should be... tons of fun yes actually pretty productive... or at least I heard it was productive. I fell asleep. My bad.

And as fun as that lock-in was it didn't hold a candle to the amount of quality time I got to spend with one of my favorite people in the whole damn world. I've heard before (and don't ask me to remember where... because it's like two in the morning and if this blog turns out to be halfway coherent I'll consider myself accomplished) that there are friends in your life who become more than your friends. They become a defining factor in who you are. They're the people that you can sit around and do absolutely nothing with and still manage to create the moments that you will never forget. I talk about how little time there is left before I go my own way and head off for college (God knows where that'll take me) so every moment I get to spend with any of my friends means more than the world to me. And over the past week I haven't done anything that an outsider looking in would consider to be very extraordinary. Actually the only things I've done with friends this week is A) sit on my ass and watch Criminal Minds and B) go out on Black Friday. Given the time of year that's some pretty normal stuff. Get this, though: Watching the show wasn't the best part. Being in the mall on Black Friday wasn't the best part. The best part was watching my friend become attached to the show. The best part was the ride to and from Independence Center and the crazy stuff we talked about. To use the word "friend" doesn't seem to do the relationships I've been blessed to have any justice. There isn't any other word for it, though. I would never voluntarily stay up until 3:00 AM or go ugly Christmas sweater shopping for just anyone (and the vest I bought is hella nasty). I wouldn't trade these moments for anything. Gah, I just want to go hug the crap out of my best friends right now. Would that be weird? That'd be weird. Screw it I don't care.

I have a lot to be thankful for. Music and people, mostly. I'm also thankful for the fact that I now own TWO Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers shirts (the Blue and Green rangers... holla!) and the fact that I have been well equipped to deal with life's daily bull shit (sarcasm is a powerful ally). Mostly my music and the people, though. Those two things are the high points of my life. They always have been and they always will be.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and managed to create a nice food baby or fall into a food coma. Or both.

Can we lower the speed limit...?

There are a lot of things I'll never understand in my lifetime.

I'll never understand why people in school insist on walking right in the middle of the hallway.

I'll never understand how a camera captures a photo.

I'll never understand why the people on the Titanic didn't see that monster ass iceberg. 

I'll never understand how people get those model boats inside of a glass bottle. 

I will NEVER understand how the Kardashians became famous. 

I'll never understand why I'm not a part time model... I mean... let's be real.

I also don't realize why people have this perpetual dislike for high school. I mean I look like a zombie every morning just like everyone else, but I think it's awesome. There's no need to be a diva about it. You can look like a hot mess just like everyone else, dammit. 

 The idea of college scares me shitless. Life is just kind of flying by at this point. 

If my life was a car and I was the person that decided the speed limit, I'd have it set at a comfortable 35. But my life's all like "Nah, bro. Let's go 70." What? NO. That's not what I said. Okay, life, now you're getting a ticket. Too bad you can't write up life and make it pay for tickets and make ridiculous amounts of money. 

I've expressed my fears of going to college to people before... but they always just seem to brush it off and make it sound like it's not a huge deal. What nobody seems to realize is that we're talking about the REST OF OUR LIVES. 

I can't stand the thought of not seeing my friends every day. Why do you think I wake up so early every morning and go to school looking like the living dead? It's not because I love learning. I could get home schooled and wake up whenever I damn well pleased if I had any love whatsoever for textbooks and homework. However, being a normal human being, I find juggling 7 classes a day the tiniest bit tedious. 

I go to school to see people. To interact with friends and to laugh and actually have a bit of a good time. I would think it would be perfectly rational to maybe worry about missing that once we've walked across that stage and received that diploma. 

But people are like "You'll make new friends in college. It's not a huge deal." The hell it isn't a huge deal. I have worked very hard to get my friends accustomed to my dry and sarcastic personality. I've emotionally bonded with a very small number of people that I've actually grown to really really like being around. And if you're one of those people you should feel pretty proud, because I typically don't like people. 

Nothing pisses me off more than when I express this specific fear and people that I thought I was really good friends with just blow it off. I mean... hi. You've had a major impact on my life in one way or another and I'm telling you "I don't want to not be around you." You blowing it off tells me either A) "Well I just don't want to be around you" B) "Despite the fact that I seem to have made a significant change in your life, you haven't made one in mine and I'll be just fine without you later on in life" or C) "We were never really good friends to begin with, and you shouldn't have let yourself think we were." 

Talk about a downer. I'll admit that I don't get along with a lot of people because a lot of people are annoying and I have the horrible misfortune of being easily annoyed. However, the people who don't annoy me have a very special place in the spot where my heart should be. Sorry for being the tacky "heart on your sleeve" guy but I just needed to get that off my chest. 

It sucks that I can't seem to express with words what some people mean to me. It's also kind of nice to know that there are people that I am close enough to to be able to be in that situation. 

I'm hoping that this post will open some people's eyes a little more. 

For some of my favorite people, whom I care about more than anything in the world, there's a good chance our time together might be limited, depending on where our separate lives take us. 

I can't make life follow a speed limit. It's going to go by as fast as it chooses to. I hope we can appreciate the time before it passes.