Things To Know About Outgoing Introverts...

People keep telling me I'm an extrovert.
No.
False.
This is not true.
I am not an extrovert. I like to think of myself as an "outgoing introvert." I do not thrive in large crowds. I do not get energized by interacting with gratuitous amounts of people for extended periods of time. I often like doing those things, but they exhaust me. It's a good kind of tired. Kind of like after you work out.
We're kind of a paradox. We don't adhere to the stereotypical idea of an introvert. We're not necessarily a quiet bunch of people who like to be alone all the time. So we can be a little hard to understand at times. We're crazy into our feelings but we don't always express them for the world to see. So here are a few things you should know that will hopefully spare you some headaches later if you ever have the (mis)fortune of encountering one of our kind.

1. We're typically loud people. But the volume of what we say out loud is nothing compared to the volume of what is being said in our mind. We are notorious for overthinking. If we are quiet it's because we are completely consumed by our thoughts. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. It depends on the situation.

2. We are very emotionally intelligent. We are aware of our emotions and the emotions of people around us. It's what allows us to be a people person. We just get it. We are very empathetic and can read plenty of people like an open book.

3. We are not an open book. The paradox that is our personality is very hard to understand. You may think you're reading us but you're probably just getting the Spark Notes synopsis. There's only so much you can get from a synopsis.

4. We can sniff out bullshit like a shark can smell blood. There is no point in lying to an outgoing introvert. Our overactive minds have made us very good at picking up details. You may not think you give away when you lie, but you do. And an outgoing introvert is going to pick up on it if you lie to them enough. We may not call you out on it, but we've filed it away. It's ready to be used when the time arrives.

5. If we like someone we REALLY like them. We are still introverts, after all. We have a social battery. I only know two people that don't drain that battery when I interact with them. When we find people like that we love them a lot. We get a taste of the extroverted life and it's nice. We want more. But only with those specific people. Everyone else still has to adhere to the battery.

6. We're very selective about who we want to talk to on the phone. We have a habit of screening phone calls. So unless you're one of the special people that fit into the above point there are no promises that we'll get back to you right away. Sorry, that's just how it works. Unless, of course, it's an emergency or very very important. All I'm saying is if you text me "hey" (not that anyone texts me these days) don't expect an immediate response. There's also just a good chance I'm sleeping.

7. Small talk sucks. It's the worst. Not much else to say on that subject.

8. You might think we're flirting with you and the chances are that we're not. While it might be exhausting for us to interact with other humans, we are still very very good at it. We make it seem instinctual. We can be charming. That does not mean we want to get in your pants or date you. If we want to date you we'll probably just ask you on a date. We're pretty up front folk.

9. We are honest to the point of brutality. There's no point in lying or pulling punches when it comes to honesty. But at the same time we won't be brutally honest unless you ask or we think you can handle it. Just remember: If you ask a question we are in no way responsible for any damage caused by the answer. You asked.

10. We are human. We are not perfect. But we like to be included. If you're doing something and wonder if you should invite us then invite us. It can't hurt. If we say no then feel good because it makes us feel good to know that people still like to include us. If we say yes then get ready for a good ass time. It means we're running on a full social battery and want to have some fun.

Today I found on Tumblr:

I am smad quite frequently.

4 Years...

I'm going to be blunt. I have been struggling with depression since I was 16. Four years.

How's that for blunt? I think I did the word justice.

Moving on. Some of you are like "I've definitely seen you happy before." People with depression can be happy. Some people with depression can be very happy, and I won't deny that there are an uncountable number of instances in my life where I have been happy.

Depression is scary. It is your own thoughts tormenting you and telling you that everything you are terrified of is real. It is drowning while everyone else around you is breathing. It's that crazy ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend if you bat for the other team) that you think is gone and then drops in on your life at the most random and inconvenient times.

I have had to deal with the crazy ex-girlfriend named depression for four years, and I can't say that I've always dealt with it in healthy ways. Four years may not seem like a long time, and in all honesty it isn't. But it feels like it.

Depression does a really awesome job of making you focus on all the things about yourself that you hate. It makes you nit-pick all of your flaws and see all of your insecurities with 20/20 vision. And it sucks. It is a truly shitty feeling.

But I'm not writing about all of my flaws and insecurities today. Today I want to talk about the parts of me that I do like. I want to announce the parts of me that I like to the world (so... Facebook friends and Twitter followers). I am going to force myself to see the positive side of things. What's the worst thing that could happen?

I like having musical ability. TV shows like American Idol and The Voice (guilty pleasures) have taught me that not everyone does (yet sometimes those people end up winning). I complain about my music classes a lot but deep deep deep deep deep way deep down I would miss them if they weren't part of my daily life. AND I passed music history this semester. That was a serious concern. But I did it. I prevailed.

I like that I am an empathetic person. Despite my tendency to argue with some people a lot, I value my ability to see the views of other people. It allows me to appreciate the struggles of other people. And it reminds me that I never struggle alone.

I value my leadership skills, because apparently I have those. I love helping other people realize their potential and then use that potential to achieve whatever their heart desires.

I love that I can be bluntly honest. Lying doesn't accomplish shit. Unless you're a politician, then it gets you a job. You don't want to hear a hurtful truth? Don't ask me a question that might lead to one.

I like that I go to a school I love in a city I love and have a job that I love. Zip lining and climbing things is the shit. And really great stress relief. So if your group of 8 or more people is really stressed you should come to Venture Out and blow off some steam. I don't care if that was a shameless plug. It's my blog and I'll plug if I want to.

I like that I am a fiercely loyal friend. There are a select few people that could commit murder and I would gladly help them hide the body and then deny everything in court. Straight up lie on stand and to the faces of a jury. I wouldn't even bat an eye. I really really hope I never have to prove it, though. So please don't take this as a challenge, anyone.

I LOVE the fact that I have friends that I care about enough to help them hide a body if they were to commit murder (thought I'd strongly suggest they not do that). I love that I have friends who will so willingly talk me off of a ledge or go through the effort of brightening my day. I love that I have friends that don't judge me or treat me like I'm an oddity because of who I am or what I've been through. I love that some of them pull me out of a dark place without even realizing they did it. I love that I can laugh so effortlessly around them and just let all of my fears melt away for a while. I would not be where I am now without them.

So yeah. These are some of the things I just really really like about my life. Cool!

Have a happy holidays, valued reader.

-- Tyler

Today I found on Tumblr:

I'm aware of how inappropriate this is. That's why I picked it. Also because the witty reply was by "Tyelr" and that's really close to "Tyler" and "Tyler" is my name so it's almost like I said it and that's something I would say.

I'm going to shut up now.

We Are All Different...

I like being different. I like it. And at times I don't like it much at all.

You see we live in a society that claims to encourage diversity. Where we are encouraged to express our differences.

Unless those differences are religion, sexuality, race, political ideation, etc.

We can be different. But we can only be different in ways that are deemed acceptable.

We are ALL different. And for some reason so many people view that as an obstacle. I'm not trying to point fingers (Congress, I'm looking at you) but it seems like people think differences should clash and not go well together.

Let's look at magnets. Which sides stick together? I'll give you a hint: North and north do not go together. North and south go together.

Let's look at an example that compares two living creatures.

My best friend and I are two very very different people. Yes we have some things in common. But for every thing we have in common there is an uncountable number of differences between us. But we do not treat those differences as obstacles. We do not try and make the other person change to fit the mould in which we fit.

So why is that so hard for others? Why do people have it in their mind that there is only one way to live life? Why do people think there is only one correct religion, one correct sexuality, one superior race?

Who are we to play God or to be the judge?

Who are we to say that one lifestyle that does not bring harm to others is wrong or less than another lifestyle?

This is the 21st century. We have pre-sliced bread, Netflix, and phones so smart they can do anything except wipe your ass (but that could be next, I don't know, technology is crazy). But we can't accept some differences that make people who they are.

It is not our place to tell someone who they should or should not be. That is part of the journey of life and it is a journey that can only be experienced by the person on which it is bestowed.

And everyone deserves to be comfortable on their journey. Everyone should be able to live the life that they want to live without someone pointing their fingers and saying "Wrong."

Everyone should live their life and be happy with who they are.

Today I found on Tumblr:

I need this in my life.

I Am and I Am Not...

College is weird.
Old people say that these are supposed to be the greatest years of your life. But how could this be better than high school?
Totally kidding. High school was, and always will be, a shit show.

But there are some things that don't change when you transition from high school to college. Yes, you might live on your own. Yes, you actually have to pay tuition. No, you don't have to ask to go to the bathroom in class (a real perk, considering I had to ask permission to go pee in high school when I was a legal adult).

None of these things change the fact that, to some degree, people in college expect you to be something and that you will be labeled. You will be labeled based on what you're involved in, what your major is, who you hang out with, and a million other things.

You might be thinking "Tyler you go to a school with a huge population. How can all of those people label you?" They don't. The people that know you label you. They do it without even knowing it. They label you based on what you are and what you are not. Everything that you do defines you in one way or another. Everything you don't do defines you. What you are and what you are not in some way dictates how people look at you.

I am not the guy that adheres to the "frat" way of dressing (they don't like cargo shorts and I'm not in a frat so I never understood why this was ever an issue).
I am not the guy who goes out and gets shit face wasted because it's "fun" (throwing up is not fun).
I am not the guy who gets invited to go out and party on the weekends (I'm usually at work).
Not the guy that someone would make their first choice to ask to formal (it's probably because I wear cargo shorts).
Not the best looking.
Not the nicest.
Not the funniest.
Not the most fun to be around
Not the smartest.
Not the most talented.
For sure not the most athletic (not even close).
Not the first person to get invited somewhere to do something.
Not the one that adheres to the status quo.
Not the one who has their life together.
Not the one that gets noticed.

I will always be the guy that has to work to pay his own way (it's character building).
I will always be the guy that has a major with course work that is under-appreciated.
I am the guy that says honest things that can come off as harsh.
I am the guy that sits in his room and ignores the world.
I will always be the depressed guy.
I will always be the guy that needs people.
I will always be the guy who has friends that are way better than he is.
I will always be the guy that is not afraid to speak his mind.
I will always be the guy that works pretty damn hard to be successful.
I will always be the guy that stands up for his friends.
I will always be the guy that remains loyal to the people that don't necessarily deserve it.
I will always be the guy that people can come to when they need help, even if they don't come. They can.
I will always be the guy that can forget about his problems when someone else has problems to deal with. Even if their problems dwarf in comparison to mine.
I will always be that guy.

And I couldn't tell you what made me that way. I don't know if it's genetic or if society molded me into it or if I molded myself. I don't know. I doubt I'll ever know.

The fact of the matter is that this is how I am perceived by some of the people that know me and it doesn't matter if that's how I want it to be or not. It is.

It simply is.

Today I found on tumblr:

Okay, Kurt Vonnegut (whoever the hell you are). I'll see what I can do.

A Comprehensive Guide On How To Be Friends With the Socially Selective...

I have not written in a long time (mostly because free time is a myth now and that kinda sucks). So please enjoy the bumpy road that will be this piece of writing and try not to hold it against me. Cool thanks.

So this morning I read an article on the website Thought Catalog (a website I like to spend a lot of class time on) title "14 Signs You're Selectively Social."

You can read it here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/08/14-signs-youre-selectively-social/

Needless to say they hit the nail on the head and I fit all 14 characteristics and now I can confidently define myself as selectively social. I feel so special and I'm not going to refer to this group of people by using the pack plural ("we") because it's a sign of my affiliation.

I'm sure that my friends can tell that getting along with the socially selective can be trying at times (or all the time). We're a little unpredictable and can be hard to read. When we turn your plans down sometimes we don't have a reason at all besides the fact that we probably just don't want to deal with people. So I figured I would do the world a favor (you're welcome, everyone) and compose a list of tips on how to handle being friends with someone who is socially selective. I love lists.

1. Our social skills run on a battery. Interacting with people we don't know drains that battery faster than your favorite app kills your iPhone battery. We have to recharge our battery, and our charging station is usually at home in our room. Alone. We aren't hiding because we hate you or because we're upset (well sometimes we are). We are hiding because our social battery is on 1%. If you want to know if we're mad or if our battery is low just ask.

2. We heavily depend on the people that don't drain our batteries. I know I have a small number of people (I'd estimate 3 or 4) that for one reason or another don't exhaust me when I'm around them. These people are magical human beings and when they're around I become a stage 5 clinger. It's like the Titanic. They're the door and I'm Rose. Screw Jack. He was a battery drainer.

3. Even though we don't like going out all the time we still get offended if you don't invite us. We might say no. We'll probably say no. But that doesn't mean we don't like feeling included. If you ask us to go with you and we say no just remember: Our time spent alone will be much more enjoyable because we know that we still matter despite the fact that we're about as exciting as reading the dictionary.

4. When we say "I just got your text!" we really mean "I'm replying now because I think I've waited long enough that I can avoid face-to-face interaction at this point." It's not you. It's us.

5. If we agree on plans don't change any aspect of them without asking well in advance. Don't invite more people without asking first. That causes us all kinds of anxiety. We were mentally preparing for a certain scenario and now you've sprung another variable on us. That's not cool. We were prepared to impress persons 1, 2, and 3. We were not prepared to make a good impression on the additional two people that you sprung on us last minute. Now we're considering not going and it's all your fault. You have just broken a very important unwritten rule.

6. Sometimes we like to be alone. We're not angry or upset or anything. Being alone is just peaceful. If you're not sure why we're being seclusive just ask. It prevents a whole lot of awkward further down the road.

There you go. I just provided you with what could be the most useful cheat sheet you've ever seen.

Use it wisely.

Time Is Passing By and I'm So Flipping Excited...

So we're almost halfway through September (where does the time even go?) and that's kinda cool / weird but mostly weird. But I'm sitting here in my roommates room (I was lonely and the living room is way too far away) trying to think of ways to avoid doing my homework and it hit me: I haven't blogged in a very long time.

So I'm going to use this post to talk about me because it's my blog and I can do that if I want.

For those of you that don't know: I started my sophomore year of college about a month ago. So far it's going very well! I haven't had very many emotional breakdowns (though there was one time I ran out of pizza in the freezer and it was a very emotional time in my life) and I haven't felt the need to punch or kill anyone yet so that's good!

Actually compared to last semester I'm sitting on top of cloud nine right now.

So yeah, a very eventful few weeks I've had since I've moved back to Columbia.

First off I MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT. Which means I do adult things like pay rent and make my own food so that's not really very fun but my roommates are pretty awesome and it's a lot of fun and a million times better than the dorms (shoutout to Wolpers and Respect for scarring me emotionally a couple of times). I really like where I live and the people are pretty nice. I even went to the gym here once or twice. So I've done my physical activity for the semester too!

I also turned 20 almost two weeks ago. So I'm not technically a teenager anymore. No worries though, Spongebob is still my favorite TV show and I still play Pokemon on a regular basis. Some things just don't change. I got to go out and get dinner with some really awesome people and then some of us came back to my place and I'm going to stop describing my birthday now because my mom and grandmother both read this. Long story short: Best birthday I've ever had because my friends are awesome and I didn't go to bed until around 4 AM (and I might have skipped class but if you ask me no questions I shall tell you no lies).

I've been taking shifts at Venture Out a lot. I still think (know) I have the greatest job at the University of Missouri. Actually I might just have the best job in Missouri. There's nothing more gratifying to me than watching a group of people come in and overcome obstacles and become closer as a group. And I love getting to be a part of it with so many people. The experience is rewarding and the paycheck is mandated by federal law I think. It's a win-win situation for me. I also got a job at Sam's Club but that's boring and I'm going to skip over that detail.

My music is going well. I've made a lot of progress over the last few weeks and I think I'm starting to understand who I am as an artist now. The act of music-making doesn't stress me out anymore, really. The piece I played last year was ridiculously challenging for me, so I figure if I can pull that off I can do just about anything if I put the work into it. Music theory still makes me want to die a painful death but the class itself is pretty fun.

I'm still involved with the Center for Leadership and Service and I've done some stuff with them like leading a site for a volunteer day for the incoming first year students and I'm facilitating an Emerging Leaders Program that I'm very very excited about.

So yeah, that's my life right now. I'm done tooting my own horn.

Today I found on Tumblr:

True.

When I Was 18...

My list of talents isn't lengthy. I excel in a few areas, average in more, and am mediocre in most (see sports, cooking, and playing well with strangers).

That being said, I am rather good at being an insufferable know-it-all. Sorry about that. Well... kind of. I'm actually not sorry at all (I'm also really good at being abrasive and honest).

That being said I also have a decent memory and I remember quite well what I was experiencing a year ago. I was getting ready to move out of my parent's house and into a dorm room in Columbia so I could start my journey as a Tiger at the University of Missouri (which was a good decision so HA mom).

So for all of you freaking out because you're about to start college, I would like to tell you something: STOP. I have a few things I would like to tell you that I was not informed of when I was about to start the next chapter of my life.

1. A high school diploma is not a ticket that magically tells you what the rest of your life will look like. That's the beauty of life. Nothing is set in stone. Part of it is terrifying. You have absolutely no idea what will happen to you tomorrow. Or the next day. There are too many variables in life that could change what will/should happen. Here's the good news: YOU are one of those variables and YOU have the power to change things in your life that you aren't happy with.

2. Corollary to above: You don't have to have a huge plan for your life if you don't want to. There's nothing wrong with just going with the flow and letting life take you wherever it is you go. This is not an excuse to avoid responsibility though.

3. There's a solid chance you and of your high school friends aren't going to talk to each other daily. Mostly because you won't go to school with all of them and see them almost everyday anymore.  That is okay. Do not go to a school because your friend is going there. I kind of sort of did that a little bit and by some miracle ended up thriving at my school regardless. You need to go to a school that is good for you. If your high school friends mean that much to you then you will stay in touch with each other. I promise.

4. There is no rush to find your future spouse at all. Fate has a weird way of bringing the people you need to you when you need them. That applies to significant others, best friends, etc. DO NOT freak out if you don't find the love of your life on move-in day or any time after that. Make friends and educate yourself. You have years ahead of you.

5. Karma is real. It has ways of rewarding your morality and kick your ass when you forget about morality. This does not mean that karma should mean your motivation behind being a good person. Be a good person because it betters you and the world around you.

6. Don't let freshmen 15 prevention get in the way of you improving your mental and emotional being. Being physically healthy is important, I won't deny it. It doesn't have to interfere with your mental health though. Free time in college can be scarce and you can easily give up the luxuries of reading. Read things that don't have to do with your school work. Don't forget to expand your mind.

7. Adults are smart because they have experience and experience is one hell of a teacher.

8. You're not invincible. I can't stress this enough. Stupid decisions can have permanent repercussions. College is a time to be a little crazy but you have to be smart about it. Don't let the best days of your life ruin the rest of your life.

9. Selfish people suck. Live a life that betters the lives of other people. It's very gratifying.

10. Your parents are smart people but you know you better than anyone else. If I had listened to my parents at one point (and they had my best interests in mind) I would have ended up at a school studying something I wasn't completely in love with. You know what is best for you.

11. Trust your gut. If something seems sketchy that's because it is sketchy.

12. It's so easy to only live in the moment. Despite the fact that you don't have to have a plan mapped out for your life you should think about the future when making decisions.

13. Pride is a supreme bitch. Don't let it knock you down and keep you there. "Modest is hottest." That may not apply here.

14. Never take for granted the friend that goes out of their way to brighten your day or help you. Selfless friends are so hard to come by and often times they won't be walked over. If you forget about them until you need them they will move on and the only person that will be hurt by it is you.

15. The meaning of life is different for everyone. To find it you need to do what gives you meaning.

College is fun. Life after high school is fruitful if you take the necessary steps to nurture it.

Today I found on Tumblr:

Preach.