More Than Worth Every Mile...

I'm suffering from withdrawal.

Maybe I should back up and explain. My name is Tyler Hannsz and, unless you count gummy vitamins and ibuprofen, I do not do drugs. 

I'm having emotional withdrawal, because I just spent an incredibly wonderful weekend with wonderful people (MASC people, in case you couldn't guess) and now I'm back at Mizzou.

I love Mizzou, make no mistake. I love everything about this school (except for the price), but the people I spent my weekend with are people you just can't compare to or live up to.

I like to think that when it comes to people in the state of Missouri that are my age I am somewhat decently networked. I know a variety of people from a variety of places that went to a variety of schools and participated in a variety of things. And that's great.

However that means that a large majority of my favorite people in the world don't live in the same area as me. 

For example: My best friend lives on the eastern side of the state. I spend my time living either in the middle of the state or on the extreme western side of the state. That means that on any given day we're anywhere from 120-250 miles apart (approximately). People always assume that being a good hundred or two hundred miles away from my favorite people in the world is emotionally painful or something.

I don't think I'd agree. The distance isn't painful. In fact I think the distance often times acts as a stimulant. The time I spend with these people is a million times more valuable and we don't take any of it for granted. The trip to wherever it is we're meeting is exciting and charged with energy. Every mile brings you closer to what you know is going to be a great time. It's like going a really long time without eating your favorite food. The next time you eat it it tastes like it came out of God's personal super market. 

In the case of my friends there's six simple steps to our get togethers, and we follow these steps almost every time, without really meaning to.

Step 1. The journey to. This part's kind of agonizing. The driving time ranges from 2-5 hours depending on where we're meeting and where we're coming from. But the closer you get the more excited you get. You start to anticipate all the fun you're going to have and think about all the fun you had last time. This step is significantly fun if you're not the only one in the car.

Step 2. Arrival. You arrive at your destination and everyone freaks out because you haven't seen each other in however many months and you just can't handle how happy you are and you think your heart will explode because of all the bliss you're feeling.

Step 3. Experience. This is the longest stage. You're experiencing new things (and reliving old things) and creating new memories and you're just so happy to be in everyone's presence, but you're accustomed to the company now and you're not jumping up and down like a manic rabbit anymore. You create inside jokes (and to all of my lovely friends I'm just going to say the words "midget" and "orange" and let you fill in the blanks) and have a wonderful time. You're too immersed in the moment to care about anything but the here and now.

Step 4. Denial. The night before your departure back to reality (and reality is incredibly dull in comparison) everyone still has that smile on their face and everyone is still laughing so hard that they're going to cry / throw up / pee themselves or any combination of the three. But everyone also knows that we'll have to say our goodbyes in the morning and that's never a fun time. 

 

Step 5. Departure and depression. The hard part about living so far away from your favorite people is when it's time to leave. When you have to willingly put those hundreds of miles between you and those incredible people again. You make promises to see each other again soon (April can't come fast enough at this point) and then make that quiet and slightly depressing car ride home. Every mile you put between you and the people you love hurts a little bit. 

Step 6. Epiphany. But then you start to reminisce and reflect on that one stupid thing that somebody did that made everyone laugh and the epiphany hits you like a train: What you have is incredible. Almost too incredible for you to be able to fathom. 

It gives you something to look forward to.

It gives you memories to reflect on when life becomes a little hellish.

People to text or call when you have good news.

People to text or call when you need support.

A reason to wake up every day and take on the world with a smile on your face and a skip in your step.

Because you appreciate the journey you've made with those people. The short amount of time you get to spend with them is what gets you through the days without them.

And the miles you travel to see them for that weekend?

It's more than worth it.

After all, the only thing between you and your friends now is time.

And you've waited before. 

They're the kind of friends worth waiting for.

Dog Years...

If I had to list the top five things I miss the most about not living at home the top of the list would easily be my dog, May Belle (we call her May).

She's sweet, she's funny, she's care-free, and she's awkward. If she was a human being close to my age I would marry her. Is that weird?

Whatever.

Dogs are incredible creatures. Like us they come in all shapes and sizes with a wide array of personalities.

I think, though, that they sometimes have a better method of living life than we do. Dogs have a long list positive character traits that we, as humans, could learn from and use to benefit the world.

For example:

1. Dogs are loyal. Loyalty nowadays is so hard to find in a person. With a world full of people looking out for themselves first there's a lot of back stabbing (hey, high school, I'm looking at you). People will do anything and step on anyone to end up on top. Dogs don't do that. Dogs sit when they're asked (if they're trained well). My dog does this thing where she knows when you're sick. So if someone in our house isn't feeling well (usually it's me) she comes into your room and she won't leave as long as you're in there. And when you leave she leaves. My dog literally tries to follow me into my bathroom. No, puppy, that's my personal tinkle time. And then when I'm done doing whatever I needed to do outside of my room (usually taking Ibuprofen or Dayquil) she obediently follows me back into my room and assumes her place on my bed (usually the spot I try to lay on) and keeps me warm (even if it's the middle of the afternoon in July).

2. Dogs love their humans unconditionally. I think I could tell May that I kick puppies and she'd still love me (of course she would, she can't speak human). My point is that no matter what day (month, now actually) I've been through and how pissed at the world I am when I walk into my house 99% of the time the first person to greet me is my dog, and she's certainly always the most enthusiastic. She doesn't care what kind of day you've had or what you've been through. She just wants to be with you and lick your face and sit on you. And fart, probably. She's usually pretty gassy.

3. Dogs are care free. As far as I can tell, a worry seldom crosses their mind. They live in the moment and are taking part in life simply to enjoy it and get as many tummy rubs as they possibly can. I remember reading a tweet once that said "maybe dogs live such shorter lives than humans because they know what they know how to live a lifetime faster and simpler than we do." Scientifically speaking I don't think that's quite true, but it's still a nice thought. Dogs, it would seem, simply are better at being happier than us. They don't worry about things like we do. My dog's kinda dumb, but she doesn't care. She happily barks at her reflection and bites her own leg and she'll keep doing it thank you very much. She just wants to be happy. Keep on doing you, pooch.

4. Dogs are happy to be who they are. You don't see them trying to change the way they look or act. A dog doesn't go and get its coat groomed because they dog next door has shinier hair than her. Hell, my dog likes to roll in dirt and eat her own poop. She doesn't care that it's gross and makes you want to vomit. She's still gonna try and cuddle with you and lick your face (she licked me on the mouth once and I literally threw up).

I don't know why it's so hard for people to grasp these concepts, especially if we're the most intelligent form of life (though college has made me question this claim). Dogs are so much more happier than humans and their happiness is infectious.

Maybe we should take a leaf (bone?) out of their book and view the world in a simpler light.

The world might actually be a happier place if we all lived in dog years, ya know?

Your Expectations vs. Who I Am...

Expectations. The belief that something will happen.

We're all surrounded by them. We're expected to abide by the law. We're expected to arrive at work or school (and expected to be there on time).

And that's great. It creates structure, and I'm a huge fan of structure.

But where do we draw the line on expectations?

Do we let people create expectations on who we are and who we will be?

Do we let those expectations play any role in defining who we are and who we will be?

That's up to the individual, I believe. But like I said, everyone has expectations set upon them. I'm expected to be a musician. I'm a brother, a son, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, and a million other things. I'm a tall, white, caucasian male with green eyes and brown hair.

I'm expected to be sassy, quirky, sarcastic, blunt, funny, a little pessimistic, a realist, empathetic, a musician, a leader, and a friend.

And that's great, because I revel in being all of those things. But there's a difference between the first and second list.

I am all of those things in the first list because I was born. I had no control over it. Could I stop being any of those things? No. I could cut myself off from my family (but I won't), I could dye my hair (but I've learned to enjoy being called JewFro), and I could get contacts (but I'm poor and, incidentally, I think the color of my eyes is lovely).

The second list are all things I could change. Maybe not easily, but it's possible that I could stop being sassy. I could forgo my use of sarcasm and quit being funny. I could detach myself from my rather strong sense of empathy and walk around with my head in the clouds with a sense of reality that is far from real.

I could stop being a musician, I could lock away my viola in its case and never touch it again, I could never run my hands over piano keys again (not that I'm an accomplished pianist in the slightest), and I could never let a musical note come out of my mouth ever again. I could eventually silence the music in my head that literally never stops playing (currently I'm running through Brahm's second symphony, which is where we get his famous lullaby. Feel free to take a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UccOlCBcIs8 ). That sounds really cool, right? It's like I have the Spotify app in my brain, and it never stops playing music. WRONG. It's annoying and distracting.

I could stop being a leader. I could stop encouraging others to expand on their leadership potential, because that's what a leader does. A leader makes more leaders.

And I could stop being a friend. I could stop interacting with people that I share common interests and emotional bonds with.

So what keeps me from doing all those things?

Am I sassy because it's expected of me? Am I a musician because of the expectations of others? Am I a friend because my friends expect me to be a friend?

No.

I am these things out of my own volition. I think that there's a large number of people who are what they are and do what they are because of expectations (Cough cough congress cough cough) and because society seems to be so hellbent on kissing the butts of others.

Eventually the expectations that the world places on you are going to clash, and if you let expectations dictate your actions and let them influence who you grow up to be you are going to run into conflict.

So don't let them shape you. If your life is clay then you, and only you, should be the potter.

So let me make this one final thing clear: who somebody expects me to be plays the most minuscule of roles in who I am. I am metamorphosing into what I want to be because it's what I want, not what others expect.  

Ban the R-Word...

I was at Walgreens today (technically yesterday, I guess) to pick up some photos and I heard a lady with her daughter walking by me on her way out say something. I didn't catch the full sentence but I heard the words "He is just so retarded."

I've never been so disgusted by a stranger. And while I'll admit that Liberty isn't the classiest town (and there's no use in denying it, we've got like 12 banks) and that some of the "kids" in this town aren't the most mature, but I was incredibly dumb founded that a middle-aged woman, in front of an impressionable child, say a word in such a demeaning and ignorant context.

Sometimes you slip up. We're human. Everyone makes mistakes, I get it. I'm guilty of slipping up too. But it's the fact that people throw the word around like it doesn't mean anything that gets my blood boiling.

If there's anything MASC taught me, it's that you should respect and love everyone no matter their cognitive level, sexual orientation, race, religion, etc.

Not tolerate. I hate that word. Tolerance. Saying you "tolerate" someone implies that they are beneath you, but you'll let them continue their mediocre way of living. You tolerate a bad attitude. You tolerate body odor. You don't tolerate someone being something they didn't ask for.

Because I won't deny that a mental handicap is something that most people wouldn't want. You don't sit in your mother's womb and say "Yeah. I think I'll be handicapped."

Some people will argue that the R-word is a valid medical term, and I can't deny that at one point it was.

However, the fifth (and most recent) edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders states has since replaced the phrase "mental retardation" with the term "intellectual disability disorder."

And for good reason.

The website www.r-word.org campaigns and asks for people to pledge that they will eliminate the R-word from their vocabulary, and here's a few reasons why (that I totally stole off of their site and I hope they don't mind because I can't word it any better than they did):

The R-word is EXCLUSIVE“What’s wrong with "retard"? I can only tell you what it means to me and people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the "in" group. We are someone that is not your kind. I want you to know that it hurts to be left out here, alone.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger 

The R-word IGNORES INDIVIDUALITY“Words matter. People don't need to scoff at others to make a point. Everyone has a gift and the world would be better off if we recognized it.” – Tim Shriver, CEO of Special Olympics

The R-word equates intellectual disability with being DUMB OR STUPIDWhen saying the R-word, “What we mean is that he is as stupid as someone who is mentally handicapped, and we mean that in the most derogatory sense. The implication is that the only characteristic of mentally handicapped individuals is their stupidity.” – Crystal, Stanford, CA  

The R-word spreads HURT“It is wrong to pain people with your language. Especially, when you have already been made aware of your oral transgression's impact. Make no mistake about it: WORDS DO HURT! And when you pepper your speak with "retard" and "retarded," you are spreading hurt.” – John C. McGinley, actor and star of the hit TV show “Scrubs”

The R-word is OFFENSIVE“The word retard is considered hate speech because it offends people with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well as the people that care for and support them. It alienates and excludes them. It also emphasizes the negative stereotypes surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities; the common belief that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities should be segregated, hidden away from society, which, in my opinion, is really old fashioned.” – Karleigh Jones, Special Olympics New Zealand athlete  

The R-word is INCORRECT“When you say the "R" word it makes people feel bad and it hurts my feelings and I don't want to hear you guys say it. Instead, you can call me a leader, a hero, or a human being, but please don't call me the "R" word.” – Dony Knight, Special Olympics Oregon athlete

The R-word is DEROGATORY“Because the word has become a casual description of anything negative or flawed, ‘retarded’ is no longer considered an appropriate way to describe people with intellectual disabilities. And any use of the word, even when used as slang and not intended to be offensive, is hurtful - because it will always be associated with people who have disabilities.” – Sara Mitton, Board Member, Treasure Valley Down Syndrome Association

The R-word fosters LONELINESS“It hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual disabilities on the bus and young people start making “retard” jokes or references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger  

The R-word is HATE SPEECH“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate.  And maybe you don’t realize that you hate.  But that’s what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them [people with intellectual disabilities], your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it’s nothing but another form of hate.  It’s more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything.” – Soeren Palumbo, student, advocate, brother to a sister with an intellectual disability.  

The word hurts, and is surely not to be used as a way of inflicting harm. Because even if it isn't directed at someone with an intellectual disability, calling someone or something retarded is assuming that they group you're comparing them to is intellectually inferior. 

Wrong. 

They're smart like you and me. They have feelings like you and me. They have dreams like you and me. But most importantly they too are human like you and me.

And nobody has the right to make anyone feel like they aren't human. 

I really hope I managed to get a point across with this post. It's a topic that means a great deal to me and a lot of my friends. 

If you would like to learn about spreading the word to end the word, or take the pledge to eliminate the r-word from your vocabulary (which would be the coolest thing you could do and takes so little time) you can find everything you need at the link I put at the bottom of this post.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope all of you have a wonderful day/evening/night/ whatever time of day this piece found you!

Love always,

Tyler

And, as promised, the link! http://www.r-word.org/

Lessons High School Taught Me That I Didn't Realize Until I Got To College...

So for all of you that aren't in high school do you remember complaining about how badly you wanted to graduate?

See, the difference between high school and middle school is that some people will admit high school happened. Middle school is a figment of the imagination. That's why we have high school reunions and not middle school reunions.

High school was a time of learning. Not like math and English. Like learning about life, and a lot of the lessons I learned in high school I didn't even know I learned until I got to college.

Damn you, public school.

Lesson 1: Be careful who your friends are. How many of my best friends from high school do I talk to on a regular basis? None of them. Am I still friends with some of them? Yes. Do I regret letting some of them get to know me as well as I did? Most definitely.

Lesson 2: Corollary to the lesson above, everyone I've met in my life is a blessing or a lesson. Or both, if you're lucky.

Lesson 3: What you did in high school DOES NOT MATTER in college after you've been accepted and scholarship money has been dealt. You were popular in high school? Who cares. You were student body president? Nobody cares. The only thing that matters is what you're doing in college now and who you are once you start the new part of your life. It's called a new part of your life for a reason.

Lesson 4: You don't have to have your life figured out by the time you are given a diploma. My first semester of college is over and I still have no idea exactly what I want to do with my life. Despite what most analogies say, life is not a book. You can't flip to the last page and have the ending handed to you. That's not how life works.

Lesson 5: The friends you make outside of high school and in college have the potential to last a lifetime. The people you meet when you go to college or are beginning to start a new part of your life are often in the same boat as you, and life changing situations that you experience with others often create strong bonds. If for some reason I find a woman that can tolerate me enough to spend the rest of their life with me, I think the people in that wedding (and I'm NOT looking to get married any time soon, mind you), for the most part, are people that I met after I walked across the stage and took my diploma.

Lesson 6: Go out of your way to brighten the days of other people. The cattiness of high school easily blinds you to what's truly important. Your image in high school won't matter when high school is over. I know it's hard to accept, but it won't. The habits you form in high school, however, will last well after you graduate. Why not form a habit of making other people happy?

Lesson 7: Your passion will stick with you. Music. Leadership. The two things that I was most involved in during high school. Conveniently they're the two things I'm most involved in post high school. Your passion helps define you, and chances are your definition isn't finished once your secondary education. Stick with what you love.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed high school. Except for the mono part. That was hell. I met people, worked on discovering who I am, and grew as a person.

Do I like college more? Duh.

Would I go back and change anything? Probably not. There were parts of high school that I hated. But I'm not a risk taker. I wouldn't want to change anything because I'm happy where I'm at and I wouldn't want to change the way I'm living life now.

If you're in college, I hope you can relate to my experiences.

If you're in high school I hope that what I learned will be helpful to you.

If you're done with college I hope I'm explaining this correctly.

Stay you.

Love always (unless you're a Republican),
Tyler

Just kidding about that Republican part.

A Musician's Fatal Flaws...

I love being a musician. It's on the small list of things about myself that I take pride in.

Music teaches you effort, passion, and a huge number of other valuable qualities that I can't recall at this particular moment (but they exist, I swear).

But of course with the good comes the bad, because that's the way the world is governed, and I'll be damned if there's a few qualities I inherited from musicianship that I'd happily go without.

For example:

We're overly sensitive. One sad song too many and you just become a permanent hot mess. Friends of musicians (especially the classically trained ones) beware. We got the feels. Like a lot. Especially if music playing at that particular moment matches whatever we're feeling. If that's the case it might just be better to run towards the nearest bomb shelter.

We're prideful. Oh dear lord above. We take pride in our work, just like all artists and craftsmen. We make something that makes other people FEEL something, and emotion is a powerful force. When we're on stage it's like we're gods and we're dictating what a person is feeling. It's a total rush once we get over the whole nerves thing and the pride in our art can turn into arrogance fast (guilty). And if you insult our craft? You'd be safer just opening the gates of hell. Really you would.

We're self reliant. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but pair it with pride and we're reluctant to accept help even when we really need it. Do you see the potential problem? Good. Glad we're on the same page.

We don't typically have a good grasp of our limits. And even when we know them we don't like to adhere to them. When's the last time you practiced a sport from 9 PM until 3 in the morning? I didn't think so.

I hate when people say "You're a music major? That must be so easy!" No. It's not easy. It's exhausting. How many other majors take required classes that are worth zero credit hours? Musicians have to read what is arguably an entirely different language (and the directions really are in another language most of the time), be completely aware of what a lot of muscles are doing all the time, and feel emotions all at the same time.

That's a lot to do.

Ya know?

Infinite Shades of Grey...

Anakin Skywalker once said (a long time ago in a galaxy far far away... ha) to former mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi: "If you're not with me, then you are my enemy." Or something like that. I don't know, I was way more focused on the fact that they were having an incredible lightsaber battle on a planet COVERED IN LAVA.

What really caught my attention was Obi-Wan's response. He said "Only a Sith deals in absolutes." Now... I don't have a dictionary nearby... but that sounds like an absolute to me. So thank you, George Lucas, for the terrible irony and for the inspiration behind this post.

In my 19 years and some odd months of life it seems like there's way too much of a "one side or the other" mentality in the world. Where you're either with someone or against someone.

Democrat or Republican
Rich or poor
Skinny or fat
Abundant or scarce
All or none
Good or evil

When did the world become so black and white? Why can't one be Independent? Or average weight? Or middle class? Why do people forget that between scarcity and abundance comes "enough"? Or that between all and none there's some?

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Sirius Black tells Harry and company that "... the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters." Which is to say that there isn't solely heroes and villains.

Between good and evil there is innocence and apathy.

There is no divine doctrine that states that you MUST take a side when presented with the option to do so, and I think that this is something that the world would do well to remember every once and a while.

You see, the world isn't simply divided black and white. There is grey. Infinitely many shades of grey (not the book). And if you think about it isn't everyone just their own shade of grey?

I can't think of a single instance where two individuals ideals line up perfectly. That's what makes us human.

What's wrong with being...

grey?